Holy Cow!!! And I'm not talking about me!!

Well well well! I guess I got a answer to my question! Seems I have a lot of readers! All this positivity must be rubbing off on my beautfiful band Barbie and those bittersweet scales! Weighing in this morning and I've lost 14.1 kilos! Now remember, I did say a little while ago I had lost that much but I got it all wrong with the difference in my scales and Drs scales. So this is the geniune thing! Wow! How exciting!!

Here's yesterday's food diary:
B- 2 eggs and 4 cruskits
L- spinich and feta pastie
D- Apricot Chicken
After Dinner- V8 juice with multivitamin and iron tablet

I need to work on getting more veggies in there I know. Will focus on that. I don't snack anymore which is great. I feel like I am eating sensible amounts of food. Fill isnt for two weeks but I am fine with that. Next fill will once again be a small one. I don't want to be majorly restricted, pbing all the time, eating super small amounts. Plus, I am losing weight at the moment so why would I restrict myself further?
Exercise front..... netball last night. I can really see a difference with my playing. I still have ways to go- I need to run more. But I am getting there. Not other exercise :0( I spend Mon,Tues, Wed running around kids at preschool? Does that count? I am going to write myself up a timetable today for exercise now that I am sort of settling into my new work routine.
What else has been going on??? Oh!! I am being interviewed about my lap band! It's for a uni student. Will post it on blog when I get the article. It's pretty exciting!
I'm looking at the ticker each day and can't believe how many people are coming to look at my site! Ah-mazzz-inggg!
I am at peace with myself. I haven't felt this way in a very long time. If in fact ever. About two years ago when I was on Duromine I lost about 10 kilos....at the time I was a lot smaller anyway. I got down to about 95. But I was so crazy on Duromine I never really got to appreciate it.
I really do now. It's not even the little things like putting on a top and knowing it'll be looser on me, or needing belts with most of my jeans. It's the internal change going on. It takes me back to my favourite quote:

"Not only is another world possible, but she is on her way. On a quiet day I can hear her breathing" - Arundathi Roy

I feel now like that other woman trapped inside me all this time is finally emerging. I feel more like her now than I ever have before. I feel that when I get to my goal weight I will probably have a "goodbye party" or type of funeral for old me. I'm thinking honestly I might get a old photo of me at highest weight and an old top and bury them in garden. It's very symbolic. And it would be a great reminder all the time the old Bridget is gone. And we aren't going to see her EVER again.
Now just to clarify. There are awesome things about old Bridget. But new Bridget has them too. I am not going to be burrying all of my good bits. I will keep them and just add to them. More confidence, better body image, better self esteem, more postivity, ability to talk to guys.
Ok I'm done for the day. I love my life. I love my life. I love my life.

-the new bridget :0)
Does that mean I've officially mentally turned into skinny biddy????

Hello?

Where did all my readers go? Anyone out there in cyber land?

Spoke to soon

Jumped on scales this morning and I've lost more weight.... I went up to 108 a few days ago but down now to 107.3. Come on 106!!! Then it's next Pandora Charm!

Grrrr

I am frustrated.
First time in days I've had a chance to actually think. And I'm beating myself up about no exercise for about a week and not enough fruit and veg. Also portions.
I think I am pretty close to getting to that sweetish spot. I don't really ever feel super hungry. I don't really think about food much these days. And I know thats a good thing. But its a bad thing at the same time. I need to concentrate on a healthier eating plan. Including more protein, less carbs, more fruit, less calories. I suppose I will get better at it when I get into more of a routine. I've been crazy busy and it should calm down in the next few days.

I would really like comments on my food if you can. I think that might help me. Any suggestions will be appreciated!

Today's food diary
B- cup of tea
Mid morning- rice wheels (omg yum)
Lunch- oriental cup of noodles, handful of cashews (i really didnt need to eat so much, i need to learn how to throw food away and it to be ok!)
Snack- rice crackers and cheese
Dinner- SUPPOSED to be sausages and veg however, the wrong ones were bought- ones with chilli...ahhhhh! So I went for super quick Kraft mac and cheese.

Glad to be back blogging. Man that was a hard weekend. It was really really nice. Actually busiest weekend I've had in months. But I had so much craft to cut out for pre school. Hours of cutting out teeny little fish for little fish bowls the kids made today. They didn't seem all that interested which sucked. Lol.

-skinny "just get past that 100 bridget" biddy :0)

New Photo

New photo up on my photo blog.... can you honestly see a difference?
http://bridgetparkerphotogallery.blogspot.com

Jam Pack Days!!!

It's been very full on since last post. I just wanted to update you on how everything is going.
Skipper my dog is a little better.
Work is full on. I start offically Monday and already snowed under. I have an enormous amount of craft to do this weekend and little time. I had to come home early from hanging out with Kristie just to do it. Grrrr......
Course looks to be challenging. More quantity than anything else. Just as I was getting a social life I go and start a friggen course! Lol!
Band wise... restriction seems to have kicked in somewhat. I don't ever feel full. Just always statisfied. Never really hungry. It feels like a good place to be. From now on I am going to concentrate on food rather than fill.
Exercise wise....well I played netball on Thursday night (we lost but I felt like I played much beter) but apart from that I havent had a chance. Hoping to next Thursday- 5 km walk as well as netball. And Friday too.
Great results from the exercise poll! First to get that many responses! Awesome!! Second, that people were honest!
Starting work this week and really in need of food ideas for lunch that are super yummy, super quick to make, super filling and bandster friendly. Healthy helps too! Lol. All suggestions will be taken onboard!
Hope everyone is having a great weekend. I'm of to cut out about 100 small fish for pre school craft Monday.... oh joy!
-bridget :0)

And So It Starts...

Food Diary:

Breakfast- 2 cruskits (cottage cheese, tomato and vegemite)
Lunch- 2 fish portions
Dinner- Four Cheese Pasta Bake with chicken

I got my course info (first four modules) in the mail today. It was a little bit of a shock seeing the thickness of the package sent to me! But I can handle it. I'm starting the studying tomorrow. Thinking of doing it every Thursday, spending the whole day on it. As of next week I will be much busier so please forgive me if I'm not posting every night. I will try to because it really helps me decompress everyday.

No other new interesting thing. I feel like Dr Fill took out some fill! Lol. Man I'm hungry!!!

-skinny "studious" biddy :0)



Ooohhh.... i forgot. I am 9 weeks banded today. I am experiencing hair loss, major major major acne, asthma flaired up and infected sinus. Anyone had ill health after the surgery?? Please please let me know. Email me if you dont want to comment.

So about yesterday....

Thank goodness my sinus isn't as bad as last night. Wow! That wasn't fun at all. And of course it was fun taking tablets after my fill that morning!!!
Ok so fill went well. I went for the first time by myself (which I believe to be a major thing as I hate needles) without the mummy. It's a little unpleasant but you get over it. Dr Fill and I discussed how much to put in. I've felt like I wouldn't want over .5 mls, he asked if I wanted less. I thought it was a good idea. I wasn't super duper hungry the last few days before fill so didn't want to risk having a possible overfill. We settled on .3 mls.
Apparently its no more "fluid one day, mushies next, third day solids"... Dr said that if I can tolerate a cup of fluids in an hour I'm right to move on. So last night I had a piece of quiche. Really didn't need to eat the whole thing though. Learning still...
Haven't exercised in a few days. Saturday was the last time. In my defence this time of year I find hard as I always have asthma issues. Only time, other than that my lungs are fine. Will think about going on Thursday for a walk, do have netball that night but might still do it. Friday is out now because of work, unless I go after work.
Great response to the exercise poll! Applauds to the people who admitted they should exercise more. Maybe now put that into practise?? I know its hard, but don't think about it, just do it. If I start to think about it, I then start to fish for an excuse. Instead, I just get ready and go.
Myf- in response to the Doc thing. I was recommended to the woman Dr by my Dietician. Appart from her I don't have any other feedback. The man Doc mum goes to has a great reputation, knows all about hormones and told mum he wants to see me to help. He does a more natural thing which I'm into. I do want to see him more, its just the practice that the woman dr is at opened their books up to me. I don't want to shut that option down. I'm thinking I will see woman dr first, see what she has to offer me then see man dr next. I know they are both going to want to do lots of tests on me (yay!!!! not) and I dont want the cost involved nor the needles. Lol. I will have to talk to mum about it again.
My dog Skipper isn't well. We've had him since I was 5. Mum and Dad blackmailed me into getting him. If I didn't cry for a whole month at kindergarten I was allowed to get a dog (he is a Sydney Silky). I'm not sure that I kept up my end of the bargain but I still got him! So he is quite old now. He has athritis, dementia, going blind and deaf. You'd think that he would be ready to give up but he is not. He still acts like a puppy. Yesterday mum took him to the vet because he was holding his back leg up. After the review we've learnt that he has done something to his leg, it isnt able to be operated on due to his age. Also, he has ear mites AND... an irregular heartbeat. Apparently he had fluid building up in his lungs and an enlarged liver. Now, we love him so so so so very dearly. And would never selfishly keep him in pain. Mum asked the vet what to do. The vet said he isn't ready to go. She said to take it 3 months at a time. With all this wrong with him, he is still such a cutie and ready to bark at anyone that comes near out gate. Lol. I am in complete and utter denial that he doesn't have long to go. I don't remember a life without him.
I know this isn't band related but its me related. Just wanted to share.
Oh... forgot to tell u my Dr Fill apparently doesnt care about the scales! He says that cms are more important. Which I totally stand by. So I'm glad someone is looking at it from my point of view. I've lost 15 cms off my waist...... :0) It's really great these days to put on an item of clothing and know its not going to be tight on you!
I don't think there is anything else to say.

- bridget

Ouchie

I have worst Sinus ever.... so can't blog properly.
Fill went well. Had .3mls put in. Less this time as I was scared about an overfill. I can go back in two weeks and get more if I feel this is not enough.
Myf...promise to answe ur questions tomorrow.

-bridget

One More Sleep!

Fill number 3 in the morning! Very excited! I think this one will do me for a little while, and I'm not going to ask for very much as I don't feel like I need that much. But will dicuss with Doctor what he thinks.
I am little unsure what to do. I want to get my PCOS looked at properly. I have booked in with a Doctor June 13th. I have heard good things about this doctor. But Mum goes to someone else who specialises in correcting hormones which is my big problem. Mum had bad fluid retention and its gone away and shes lost a little weight with the medication he has given her. Maybe I should be going to him? I know I shouldn't ask you guys what you think but I'm going to......lol. Help me cyber buddies!
Food wise today:
Breakfast- 2 eggs, bacon, baked beans and cruskits
Lunch- 2 cruskits with cheese and sweet mustard pickles
Dinner- Atlantic Salmon and veg (didnt eat much- salmon got stuck and not hungry)
Snack- scoop of icecream

Exercise- was going to go for 5km walk but I've been sick today- seems to be change of seasons. My asthma got to me on yesterdays walk and I wasnt going to risk it today. Gotta look after myself.

I have one week of freedom left before I start work and my course. I'm pretty excited about it. Not only for the money but so I can have something thats a little challenging. I want more out of my life. The last few years I've been floating through with no real dreams or goals. Now thats changed. I love Barbie! What she's done for me is priceless.

Have a great week guys. Smile just because.
I love this new me.

-bridget :0)

Here's a little tip from Aunty Bridget

Gyms are a fucking rip off.
I went to cancel my gym today. Yeah, its going to take me 2 months to pay off the cancellation fee the are slapping on me! Its such a rip off! i've worked out I've given them in the last 9 months around $1000! And they still want more! Grrr..... I'll be glad to see the back of it. I'll just stick to what I'm enjoying- 5 km walks with good music and great weight loss results!
I really didn't want to work out today. I told Dad to walk without me and then 5 minutes later felt really guilty. So without a second thought I got changed. To the surprise of my Dad! I felt great after the walk. I think I might really be enjoying these walks!!
Food diary today
2 mini tortillas- ham,cheese and sweet chilli sauce
sushi and seaweed salad
Aunty flo= restriction. First time I've really ever had hormonal restriction I think.
I was looking at myself in the mirror today (lol that sounds like im soooo up myself but i was doing my hair) and i noticed i have a neck! yay!
Walking again tomorrow then probably won't be able to for three days unless I get up at 7 to do it and I honestly don't think I will do that. Lol.
Days are so much longer to me now. I used to wake up mid day, have a nana nap in arvo and stay u late at night. But now I'm getting up early in the morning, no nana nap and still up late at night. Lol. I am a night person, I can't change that. But it feels good to fit more into the day.

-skinny "look at my neck" biddy :0)

p.s: Photo gallery is back up. It's under construction- more photos to come this week. But drop by and take a peak!
http;//bridgetparkerphotogallery.blogspot.com

The Friday Wrap!

I've had another successful day today.
It started with a simple thing of getting dressed. Lol. It was a yuck day out so thought I'd wear a long sleeved top. I was feeling game so tried on a top I haven't worn for about a year. And it actually looked alright! So I was very happy with that!
Went to see my dieitician (ended up being in there for an hour!) talking bout lots of different things. I weighed in, lost 2 kilos since I saw her which was last Tuesday! So in the space of 10 days I've lost it! It DEFINATELY has to be the exercise. I started it about 8 days ago seriously, so there is the answer! Guys, if you want to lose weight and are having trouble, quit making excuses like we all do and exercise. Make sure you find something that is enjoyable. Because you are more likely to stick to it.
Then I met up with the wonderful Kristie and had lunch. I've got restriction... lol.
I'm going to put a poll up to see how many people exercise. Please vote, even if you dont exercise. I think it will be an interesting experiment.
I'm thinking of putting pictures up again. Thoughts?
No exercise for me today. Got home late and quite tired. Will walk tomorrow and Sunday.
Not long til Fill number 3!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure after that one I will wait a little longer to have next one. I am pretty happy with food at the moment.

Enjoy your weekend guys!!

-skinny "fitting into old clothes- yay!" biddy :0)

Woo Hoo!!

I've been working in childcare for 3 years now. I've been doing casual work at a small centre. Kids are great, families are friendly and staff are lovely. I did have a traineeship at another centre a few years back, but I left it after Day 1. Horrible centre. But I've contempted doing the Cert 3 course for years, never really having the courage to do it.
A few nights ago I was looking online at random things when seeklearning cert 3 in childrens services came up. I took a look and saw it was a Tafe run distance course. You only had to do 100 hours at a centre, can do course over 2 years, at your own pace and there are more on the job assesments than assignments. Perfect! Found out more info yesterday, Mum said she'd pay for it (isn't she amazing!) and my boss said she would be my assesor at the centre. Yay!! So about half an hour ago I enrolled to do my Certificate 3 in Children's Services!
After years of never having the courage or confidence I finally did it!

No exercise today except for an hour washing my car (hasnt been washed in about 8 months so VERY dirty and hard work!).
Out to dinner tonight with work- celebrations all around, perfect night since I just enrolled in my Cert 3 also! Great timing! Its an italian restaurant. I am a little nervous eating (they all know about the band) because pizza won't work and pasta bloats me like crazy. So hopefully they have something else their that will tickle my fancy. Lol.

Another recent development is me cancelling my gym membership.... I'm paying a lot of money each week and I'm not really going. I don't like the classes, petrol is more money as its 15 mins away, and its pointless paying so much just to use elliptical trainer. I have a treadmill and weight set at home. I'm walking a lot, playing netball, cant tonight because of work dinner :(, and hopefully starting up tennis when Dad is allowed to and is free. The cancellation fee will be a bitch but I'm going to try to tell a lie and see if I can get outta it :0)

Dietician tomorrow- basically just tell her I can eat everything. Lol. Weigh in might be scary....the old fluid fairy will be back and my little friend will be arriving any time now. So weight will be up.

Thats all for now folks! I'm really happy about everything going on!

-skinny "super like, totally, like awesome" biddy :0)

Just when I thought it wasn't happening.....

Ok cyber friends, the truth. I think I stuffed up the amount of weight I've lost. I was using my starting weight at the doctors, but the scales are 2 kilos lighter at home. So.... I've calculated my weight loss wrong. I have in fact lost 13.5. Not the 14. something I thought I had. I want to do this honestly, so that's why I'm putting it out there.
I hopped on the scales a few minutes ago thinking it'd be bad after my no restriction yesterday and go the shock of my life. I had to double check it!!! 107.5!! Just when I couldn't break that 110, I stopped focusing on it, then when 108 wouldn't budge, I stopped thinking about it all the time and it melted away!
I DEFINATELY know that the walking has helped with that. Last night Dad and I looked at his roster to see when we can walk. I think over the next 10 days we can walk around 6-7 times which is good. I really enjoy the walking. I am thinking about the expensive gym I'm a member of. I should probably be going more often to make better use out of what little money I have that I am giving to them.
So another 5 km walk today...pump up my ipod (i really need a new one, a shuffle would be brilliant. I have an old school ipod circa 2005 so its a brick and a bitch to carry around) and walk walk walk!

-skinny "stoked" biddy :0)

Walking In The Rain!! I'm Walking In The Rain!!

Yeap! I walked in the rain today. A 5 km walk with Dad! We currently do the walk in 55 mins. When we get to 45 mins Dad wants us to do two laps- 10 kms! It's a good walk, and with some music it doesnt seem all that long.
Noooo restriction. Waking up with tummy rumbles. Have I told you how much I am looking forward to Monday? I am!!! Lol. Bring on a fill baby yeah!
Breakfast- 2 boiled eggs and 3 cruskits
Lunch- 2 mini tortillas (toasted) with ham, cheese and sweet chilli sauce
Snack- some sour cream and chive pasta
Dinner- undecided.

Because of my PCOS, I get the WORST cravings for carbs around this time of the month. Its sooo hard! All I want to do is stuff myself with twisties and hard core junk food. Lol. Hoping that these annoying cravings subside or minimise once I've lost more weight.

Nothing too interesting happend today. Apart from getting my car rego organised. In total, its $1000. None of which I have. I couldn't work for 6 weeks after op because of the type of work I do plus my energy levels were shot to shit. So I'm behind with everything. So thankfully the wonderful parents are paying for it and I'm paying them back. I still owe them for my car and laptop. Seems like I'll never get a chance to save up for America. I've decided I want to go end of next year. So I suppose I still have time to save.

Question for everyone out there in cyber land. What exercise are we doing? Or if you aren't let me know! Just want to see what types everyone is doing and how they feel its affecting their weight loss and confidence.....

Off to try not to eat a million things that I want....

-skinny "mmmmm mcdonalds" biddy :0)

Happy Mother's Day

First off, Happy Mothers Day to all the mums out there. Hope you had a great day.
My day was pretty yuk, relos kept commenting on how great Dad looked, both him and Mum kept saying "Bridget is doing well too" but they just said "yeah but Chris looks excellent". So that put me in a pretty shitty mood so spent the afternoon in my room.
Had a super Friday night. Went out with the awesome Kristie and two other bandsters. Dinner, a movie then a club. Kristie wanted me to dance, not ready for that yet. Heopfully in a few months i'll be the first one up there grooving away! Lol.
Food wise I'm all over the place. Yesterday I couldn't eat until lunchtime, today was hungry when I woke up. Craving carbs at the moment, little friend due friday so it's usually the way with me. I think I'm pmsy at the moment also so that could be why I want to cry. But at least I know that this is "normal" for me.
On the PCOS front, I do need to address it. My last doctor really didn't pay much attention to it. But I am so sick of it affecting my life in such a massive way. So I have a drs appointment at first avaliable time (June 13th....Friday 13th! Lol). Drs books were closed but they made an allowance for me which was super nice of them! So between now and then I am going to make a list of all the things I want addressed. And if I don't feel like this new Dr is doing her job I will find another one. I won't stop until I get this resolved. Its been fucking years. I am OVER it. I shouldn't have to live with fluid retention and mood swings constantly.
Exercise wise....Friday I did a 5 km walk with Dad! It took us an hour, there was one step hill. But apart from the hill it wasnt difficult at all. I will next time walk a little faster, so its a power walk. And see how I feel. I do have HUGE blisters on my pinky toes...they take up my whole toe! I am planning to do the walk again tomorrow, will make sure I buy new shoes, but before I do I will bandaid up and put cotton wool balls there so that there is some padding! Not much planned this week so will hopefully be able to hit the gym everyday!!
Third fill is planned for Monday week. Looking forward to it. Is that strange? Lol. I think I will feel more comfortable after this one. Hopefully cut down in hunger. Portions are correct size, just every few hours I'm peakish..
Will get back to doing Food Diaries tomorrow. I really dont rememeber what I've eaten this weekend.
Dieitician Friday. Going to start writing a list of things to find out. First thing is Low G.I.... as someone with insulin resistance, I should be eating Low G.I. But I haven't been. So will find out if this is still applicable with the band. If it is then cruskits are out. And I'm not sure I will be able to cope! Lol.
The amazing Kristie gave me 6 pairs of pants yesterday!! So stoked! Means I won't need to go out and get pants for a little while. I now have 13 pairs of jeans!!! Love you Kristie :0)

Have a great week everyone.
-skinny "over pcos and all its horror" biddy :0)

CHANGE we can believe in....

We hold in our hands, the most precious gift of all: Freedom. The freedom to express our art. Our love. The freedom to be who we want to be. We are not going to give that freedom away and no one shall take it from us!
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Cicely, 1992

Lost netball tonight. Played a full game. Felt like I could play another, however I was Goal Shooter and wasn't very aggressive. Something I will definately work on. Don't let men push me around, now its women who like to elbow me in the boobs.
Tomorrow morning if I wake up feeling half decent I will go to step class.
Was trying on clothes tonight. First time since in long time I've been in those dreaded Kmart change rooms with the shocking lights that are super unkind to you when looking in the mirror. The sight looking back at me wasn't good at all. The girl in the mirror had shocking stretch marks and a saggy tummy. I also realised I needed new bras. Lol. But instead of being depressed about the sight that I saw, I felt hopeful. Knowing that this time next year I will not be seeing that person.
11 days until my next fill. Looking forward to it! I'm doing what the Dr asked me to do and waiting the full month before having a fill. I can't wait until I'm at the point where small amounts fill me up. I'm still eating what I feel as too much. I'm not eating in the mornings as I really dont feel like it. Nights is when I eat the most. Maybe because I feel more relaxed? Night has always been my problem. Need to fix that one.
Not much else to report guys. I'm pretty happy at the moment. Job starts soon so looking forward to having money. Will try and save, just a few things I have on my list of wants. Starting to plan my 21st, I know it's only May now and August is awhile away but I want to organise it early so I can try and get most of my people there. Guy front, well there aren't any. And thats ok. It will happen when it happends. I want to meet a nice guy and that might take some time. I'm starting to make more friends, friends who I enjoy being around and want to do stuff with me. John Mayer released snippets of new songs and that ALWAYS makes me happy. Lol.
It's hard to blog when things are going well. Hopefully this is a re-occuring problem I have. I promise not to let weeks go by without posting. I hate it when I've started reading someones blog and they vanish.
So the only things I need to sort out are food choices and more exercise. Then I'll be a happy little chappy.

Hope all is well in band world.

-skinny smiley biddy :0)

Wednesday Wrap Up

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise.
Robert Fritz



Thanks for the comments I recieved from Myf, Diz and Em. I really appreciate what you said and it did make me feel better.
In regards to my Dad. Me and mum had a talk about it. She agrees that he has changed and has become very self centred. Since 2001 he has been working in Sydney and not home very much. I was about 14. Now, 7-8 years on I'm nearly 21 and this man has waltzed into my house and I don't know who he is. It will definately be hard to adjust. Especially because he is home until next Wednesday and I'm not working much so we will be together all the time. Great excuse to spent hours at the gym. Lol.

Daily Food Diary
Breakfast- tea
Lunch- handful cashews, shepherds pie
Dinner- herb and garlic birds eye fish

No exercise. I worked all day so exhausted when I got home. I did notice today at work I was able to do more without back pain or sore feet. Could jump up and down in music today with the kids with no issues. Before I felt like such an elephant I wasn't game. Also feeling more confident with the kids and the work I will have to start to do in two weeks. I only do casual at the moment but with one woman going on maternity leave I am taking over her job. I am not trained but will be required to act as if I am. I do know how to do most stuff, and happy to learn how to do other bits and pieces.
Tomorrow morning I'm hitting the gym. Then tomorrow night I've got netball. I'm a little wary of netball. I've ordered knee guards (cause of course they had every size possible except mine!) and they haven't come in yet. So hopefully I don't hurt myself. Lol.
Thanks for all the support of my blog. It's such an important part of my daily life.

-skinny "feeling special by her bloggers" biddy :0)

Just to let you know

Thanks Myf for the comment on last blog.
I was having a rough night when I wrote that post. Afterwards I was on the verge of tears. Must go to the doctor and get my PCOS sorted out. I am sooo over having worst fluid retention ever as well as cramps and mood swings when I really shouldn't be.
It's really disheartening when I'm trying hard and get on the scales and see I've put on 2 kilos. BUT it's not actual weight, its fluid. I'm just over it. I will go see a Doc and see what can be done. I thought that after some weight loss it would get better. I mean my skin and hair has improved but nothing else.
It would be a lot easier for me to just have a weight problem. PCOS is making everything harder. It's the reason I went so drastic with the surgery however. I want to make sure that I can have children when that time in my life comes around. I want to make sure that I give myself the best life I can, and not to have all these horrible side effects like mood swings, acne, fluid retention, memory loss, headaches, tiredness, hair loss etc.
So at the moment I'm struggling. It WILL get better I know. But just need some sort of help to deal with it.
I am also finding it difficult with Dad having the band. Everyone is always asking about Dad, always being super impressed with his weight loss. I feel a little lost in all of this. I don't want it to be all about me, that's selfish. But I dunno, just feeling really weird about it. I think its so awesome he is doing something about his weight. But yeah. I dunno. I can't really articulate how I am feeling. He's so wrapped up in himself he doesn't really listen to what I am saying or how I am going. Its straight back to him. I know men lose weight quicker, and I know he's always been the kinda guy that loses a dramatic amount in the first month then it slows down. But its frustrating.
Sorry its a sucky post. But I thought you deserved the truth and how I am truly feeling.

-bridget

Insert Witty Monday Blog Title Here.....

I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.
-Neil Armstrong


Still haven't decided about the blog. Kinda think fuck it now. Whatever. Take me as I am. Will let you know what I decide though.
Got asked to start work earlier today. So as of May 26th I am working part time at pre school. I do have to pretend im trained as a cert 3 (which im not) and do lots lots lots more work. But it will be a challenge. And I will make sure that I am not pushed around and I WON'T get stressed out. New found appreciation for myself. I will be glad to have some money however! Lol.
Band is tight today again. I don't think I'm stressed for any reason, I was yesterday though. So haven't really eaten anything

Breakfast-
Lunch- cheese and bacon balls (dont worry, i know)
Dinner- sheperds pie and veggies

I feel so heavy and full. It's gross.
Seeing dietician tomorrow so will talk to her about everything.
Dads lost 11 kilos already. He went for a 5 km walk today. The man is a machine.

Men...... ok. well....... i am ready. Confidence is there. Not 100% but its there. So guys.... come and get me!
Just worked out bmi... was 45, now 39. Im pretty impressed with that! Will ask dietician tomororw what percentage of excess weight I've lost, as well as what band I have. Because I actually have no idea!
My 21st is on August. My plan was to be a size 14 by then. I'm already fitting into a size 16. Granted its tight, but still! Hap hap happy!
I do need to exercise more. I SHOULD have gone today. But yeah. I didn't. I think when I start work I will be in a routine so will make set times for workouts. At the moments I have things on all over the place. I think thats why the end of last yr and beginning of this year I put on a lot of weight. I was running my own business and worked everday a few hours here and there and so I was struggling to get to gym and get my act together because everything was last minute. I'd organise time to go but would have work at the last minute. So thats the plan...... make a plan....

-skinny "feeling hormonal" biddy :0)

Sucky Sunday

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

No exercise and really no food. Band very tight from my un fun stressful day. Couldn't eat much at Yum Cha because I was stressed.

Thinking of changing my blog to private. I want to tell you everything thats going on in my life but certain people are making me hold back.
I do want people to continue reading my blog however. So I'm kinda torn.
Thoughts?

Shout out to Sam. Thanks for reading my blog. I'm so glad that it could help you make your decision!

-bridget

Super Salmon Saturday

I look well.
Today I got the comments I've been waiting for a quite some time. It was awesome. Nan came over and told me I was looking well. That the dark circles under my eyes was gone, my skin looked better and I looked well. So I guess all my hard work is paying off.

Breakfast: cup of tea
Lunch: a few spoonfuls of cheese and bacon rissoto
Snack- biscuits
Dinner- Atlantic Salmon with veggies

Exercise- 50 mins total
20 min treadmill (5.2)
10 mins eliptical trainer (2)
15 mins bike (3)
weights

Dad is going so well. He'll be on mushies tomorrow. We are going to go shopping tomorrow afternoon for groceries so that'll be good for walking and to get food that he wants.
2 weeks Monday until third fill. At the moment i'm really looking forward to it. Restriction isn't as great as it was last week with the cold. Hoping it gives me one more day of no restriction (im going to yum cha tomorrow so want to be able to enjoy it. lol)

-skinny biddy :0)

Friday Night Fun

Not as much restriction today as the last few.

Breakfast- cup of tea
Lunch- 2 mini tortillas (cheese, ham and sweet chilli sauce)- toasted
Snack- Vege Chips
Dinner- 3 sushi rolls and seaweed salad

It doesnt sound a lot but it is compared to yesterday. And I'm hungry now. Grrrr. Lol. I have learnt to just go with the band, if it doesnt want a lot of food, I don't force it. And on days like today, I just sigh and eat a little more. Lol.
Woke up and felt like shit. Not the best excuse but I didn't work out.
Going to gym tomorrow @ 11 with friend so won't back out. Lol.
Was wearing some jeans today, and they look ridiculous on me! They are way too big now, falling off. So I'm kinda in between sizes which is annoying but a good challenge!
300 grams to go til that beautiful 15 kilos lost. I'm not going to weigh myself until Tuesday. I will not be obsessed by it!
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

-skinny "give me back my restriction" biddy :0)

400 grams!!!!

I KNOW I said that I wouldn't worry about the grams. BUT.... 400 grams to go until I get to the 15 kilos lost!!! Its the most I've ever been able to lose so I'm deservingly very proud of myself!!!
I got my Pandora bracelet out today. Only one charm on it- chinese symbol for "harmony". I thought that was very symbolic. I still have to get the second one for the 10 kilos lost, and quite soon will have to get the third. Didn't realise this was going to happen so soon!
Dad came out today. He is doing soooo well! His fluids are really good. His pain is nothing major- only had Panadol once! He is having issues with laying down, which is normal. So I don't know if he'll get much sleep. But so far- 9 kilos down, dropped blood pressure and lowered diabetes meds.... amazing!
Didn't go to netball tonight. With everything going on I've had no sleep, haven't gotten knee guards (ordered them in) and got a little bit of a cold. Excuses, excuses. But I'd end up hurting myself. So gotta think about that. Will be hitting the gym tomorrow morning- Im missing it so much!! And really wanna shift that 400 grams so I can focus on my next goal- under 100!!!
Food wise I've learnt so much this week. My band has been quite tight in mornings so I don't eat until lunchtime. In the mornings Barbie loves hot drinks. So lots of teas and a hot chocolate. I've never liked coffee but had a sip of Dad's today and it was yum yum. I think I've been converted..... But yeah, I've learnt to work with the band. I don't force anything on it.
Todays food:
Breakfast- Hot Chocolate and it filled me up so much!!
Lunch- Sweet Thai Chilli Chicken Wrap toasted
Dinner- quiche

I am still sooo full two hours later after dinner. Restriction!!! yum yum!!! I'm really loving it.
Dad told me tonight he is going to buy a diary tomorrow to write down his daily food intake as well as how he is feeling. I'm very happy he is doing that. It will help him a lot I think.
Nothing but positives coming from band world. I've never been happier. I've already lost so much in terms of weight but also in negative attitudes and habits. I've even been able to stand up to my boss! Not being a push over anymore.
Going to work out total body fat lost so far and let you know.

-skinny "proud" biddy :0)