New Record

Decided one little comment wont take me away from my love of blogging....

I am so stressed people! The ex emailed me today. Blah... IGNORE.... work is Blah... (oh I should know in the next week about my qualifications.... looks like Ill be going straight to a diploma!!!) and my hormones are fucked. Cannot wait to see the dr....somethings up. Im craving carbs like old school non banded days, Im teary/moody/happy/flat, fluidy and pbing....
I pbed 6 times today.... thats a new record..... not a good one
Liquids tomorrow....and until the hormones are sorted. I was planning a return to the gym and opti tomorrow anyway so we'll see how that goes...
Big breaths, de-stress.... nothing is ever as bad as it seems Bridget...

Reflection....

I needed a break from the challenge. The last two days I havent been so awesome with it. Just eaten "normally". I didn't do the shakes.
I was doing oh so brilliantly last week. So motivated, driven and positive. This week I'm stressed, hormonal (going to the doctors actually cause something's up) and very much over it. This will sound harsh but I am really kinda sick of the constant barage of people texting me and telling me what they eat on a daily basis, what they weigh morning and night, there "when I get to goal...." etc.... I know its motivating for them. But I need a break. Its bringing me down. Hearing about someones work out sessions or loss is brilliant. But when I have people relying on me so very heavily its just too much right now.
I'm being a selfish motherfucker and saying- I'm doing this too!!! I'm trying to get to goal also. I need to focus on me!!
Hormones suck. I thought being on the pill it would fix that issue. Apparently not. I lost restriction the last two days and craved carbs horribly just like the good old days. Its been awful. I've scheduled to see my gp because the pill isnt working. I'm moody (I bawled my eyes out all night Sunday, to a point where my eyes had bowling balls attached underneath them Monday morning) and have my monthly motherfuckers once again! Stupid pill baaah!! Oh and I've also apparently gained a kilo overnight....FLUID YOU ROT IN HELL!
Its a blow.... from such a great week, to a low one. Tomorrow morning I'll pick myself up again. I'll get back onto the shakes, back into the swing of things, and focus on ME. And ignore the msgs I am constantly getting. I just have to do it for now. Until I finish my journey, I can't by anyone else's life raft...

What Needs To Be Done....

Saturday marks my year and a half banded. And in that time I've gone from a size 24 to a size 14.
Why is it that I am not more proud of myself? Why is it I am still pushing for more? Why is it that I cannot be happy with my weight in the here and now- and want that ever ellusive goal? Is it passion that drives me? Or is it fear? Fear that I'll have to learn to be happy at this weight, because I'll never get to the end result?
Should I be concerned about this? Or should I take this passion and use it to my advantage?
Does the question "if you cant be happy now, will you ever be happy?" need to be addressed?
I want to finish this. I want an end point. I want to see what 69 kilo Bridget is like.
I guess I'll just keep going and see where I end up....this new Bridget, Bridget in the 80s is old. I want Bridget in the 70s...
I'm off to go workout.... this challenge is brilliant. But not challenging enough. I need to add some spice- if I want to actually get to goal and not just talk about the fucker I better get my body moving...

Buzzed

*New photos up of me last night*- Check out the gallery....

I had a great day yesterday. Went and did some shopping and then had a great night out with the girls at Manpower (hehe). I love the fact I can go out now and not have that overwhelming anxiety of "I look like a whale, I shouldnt be let out in public" sensation. Its an excitement that makes me want to get out there and dance, and have fun, and meet new people.
I find weekends are the hardest for me in regards to food. I go out a bit with friends and just seem to have less control than I do during the week when I'm rushed off my feet with work. By Sunday arvos I get a little excited that my week is starting again and that control is back. Yeah, I'm a control freak. Maybe thats why I think I am successful with my band. I control it. I control my level of restriction and how much I eat, when I want to eat and what I want to eat. Control is mine MWHAHAHA!!! Lol.
I have my meeting on Tuesday for work. I'm actually really excited about it. To finally have a qualification to back up 5 years in the industry. I tend to start things and not finish them due to fear of actually succeeding. Yeah. Odd. But new Bridget wants to actually get to her goals.
The goals for this week are:
- more water intake
- more fruit intake
-3, 30 min walks
- 2 shakes a day and dinner

Dear Bank Account

Dear Bank Account,

Do you remember the days you were kind to me? Do you remember the days when I always used to have money spare? Well that seems to be a thing of the past....and I'd like it back....
Unfortunately I don't think, with the new life I have, we will be getting along as well anymore. I'm sorry for this. But I've found that there is this little black device I place a four digit code into and it gets me pretty new dresses and tops that once were a dream.
Hopefully one day in the future this new obsession with clothes will die down, and we will reunite in the goal of keeping money in my account for longer than a few days.... but for now you will have to let me live this. Because its 22 years in the making....

I fit into a size 12 top today......

"Its All Happening"- Penny Lane

I feel like those few months were a dream. There are no more emotions connected to that person, that "man", that nightmare. I feel greatful that it happened. The lessons learned have strengthened me, as does every hurtful experience. It effects me on a daily basis, this new strength.
I also feel free. And confident. And bubbly. And positive. And capable of so much. Life is bliss....
Great news with work....I've basically got to sign some papers and I'll get my Cert 3 in Childrens Services due to having 5 years experience with little ones. Then I'll be given a traineeship (still earning the same wage) to do my diploma. I won't have to pay for the course, and when it is finished I will get a payrise!
The GOC (Great Opti Challenge) is doing fantasically! I've lost 1.8 kilos this week! I have more energy than I have in agggges and just feel overall brilliant! I'm sticking to this, not only for weight loss but because of energy levels.
Watch this space....Bridgets rocking out!

Day 4 of the GOC!

GOC stands for Great Opti Challenge people..... just to clarify!
How do we like the new blog layout?

The challenge is going really well. Since I've started I've had a lot more energy and feel really good in myself. I'm eating dinner each night, having my opti during the day and a handful of nuts of fruit if I'm hungry in between. However with having a band fill on Monday I'm not really hungry at all.
I think the challenge will really be the weekends...if I'm not doing anything I tend to pick all day. Lucky this weekend I am quite busy so I wont be sitting at home watching t.v!
I bought a new dress tonight that I adore. It's one of those dresses I've always wanted but never thought I'd be able to pull off. I'm going out Saturday night with it on and I'll be sure to take photos for you!!