Relief

Leo
Suppose your house is cold. You can turn up the heating or put more clothes on. Similarly, making yourself more comfortable psychologically doesn't require a major adjustment. Simply wrap yourself in a few more layers of mental protection. Why expend energy, incur cost and create upheaval when you need to adjust how you interface with the world?


I am calling up tomorrow morning to get fill out. My band was doing quite well. It had loosened a little and I was able to eat. But, its tightened up again. And I'm not playing its games. Tomorrow I'll get some out so I can relax and not worry about what little miss diva Barbie is doing. Its pretty embarrasing when you're trying to have a conversation on the phone or via skype and you have to excuse yourself, I cant remember how many times, to go and pb. Over over over over over it.

Bring on tomorrow.....I honestly cannot wait....

Work it baby, yeah!

Had a lovely day today. Got my nails and hair done and caught up with a good friend.
Made sure I walked tonight. I get edgy at night now if I don't. I love that. Makes me feel good physically and mentally. It's nice when things click!
Just want to say thankyou to all those supporters out there. The people who comment and support my journey, and those who just simply read. You make a difference to my day and my outlook on this way of life...

Smiles!

Hey guys,

Starting afresh.... lets move on from the nonsense.... the disclaimer though is, unless you are there supporting me, helping me, I would prefer you not to comment. I am moderating my comments from now on. Now back to the reason I blog. My life, my journey, my band...

Jumped on the scales this morning and I've gone back up to 88. I understand that there are so many reasons why this could be. So instead of getting down on myself and falling back into those old eating habits that we do....I'm using it to my advantage. I feel much better today- band back to normal and my cold is gone. So its walking time again. Just 30 mins a day to start off with then I shall build from there.

I also decided that I'm not in a rush to lose the rest of the weight. Ultimately, by my two year bandiversary in 6 months I'd like to be close to goal. There is reasons behind my change of mind and heart... I've seen a few friends lately lose their weight really quickly and its not only messed with their bodies but their minds.... I've learnt who I am during this journey. And I don't want to hurry the last of the process... the other reason is.... I'm not unhappy with my body anymore. In fact, I'm starting to love it. I've spent all my life hating it, and its a slow process getting to like the skin you are in. So I want to spend this time celebrating my achievements and not saying to myself "I'll be happy when I'm ____ kilos." I was at work today and I thought to myself... " Would it be THAT bad if I was 86 kilos for the rest of my life?" And the answer was an honest, from the heart...NO.... it wouldnt be. Because me at 86 kilos is LIVING. For the first time...I'm living. And loving. And learning.

Onwards and upwards.... that Clarity I'm searching for is at arms length :0)

Success!

I have been able to eat today. Thank goodness! Since the major part of my cold is over it seems to have settled down a lot. So I'm happy about that...
I'm not loving these anonymous comments people.... I love that people have their own opinons and voice them, but I'd love for us to have an actual conversation, and someone own their comments and tell me who they are. I wanna know you. I want to know "non banded babe" ....Have you had a weight problem? What made you decide to read my blog? And have you read it all? Because if you had, you'd have seen that I have in fact dealt with my "fat issuses" and have great self control. I dont really think would have lost almost 40 kilos without self control...
I'm off to go have a nice relaxing bubble bath...
Tomorrow we start again with the exercise...had to have a few days off with this horrid cold...

So Close

I'm so close to giving up. I really am. I'm at a point where I don't care about losing weight. I care about being able to eat a proper meal without being sick.

I am over having to worry that the cold and flu tablets im taking (for the cold I've gotten because I'm not eating properly) will get stuck and I will be in agony.

I know what I have to do. But I'm scared to do it. To get fill out....

Dear Band,

I don't mind you having your bad days, hey- we all do. However when its three days on, and I cant eat anything without seeing the toilet bowl, we have an issue.
I understand my body isnt exactly working too well right now. I understand you are confused. Heck, I am too. Just work with me on this one. Im trying to do the right thing by you... I'm trying to get you to goal. Just help me out a little....


Cannot wait to go to the gp...... somethings up with my body....

Light and freeing

My band is being a bitch. Barbie and I aren't talking.... (for those not in the know, Barbie is what I've named my band!)
I've thrown up twice today and had one stuck. Beginning of the week I lost restriction. Now I feel over restricted. What is going on!!
Cannot wait to see my gp in two weeks (I was lucky to get that appointment....they wanted me to wait until November!) to sort out whats happening. I hope it resolves itself before that however...
Tonight I wrote myself a life list. It was so utterly liberating... I'll share a few things I've got on there:
* become friends with someone else named Bridget Parker
* be able to say, in success and failure "I tried"
* ride a rollercoaster
* skinny dipping
* write a book
* host a massive cocktail party
*tattoo at goal weight (69)
* sleep under the stars
*travel
*turn my phone off for a week

The list is long... but my life will be long too!! I'm going to try and get at least one thing done a month, so hopefully then soon I can re-write it. I think its important for our selves, our souls to have goals. I want to look beyond my weight goal. Because my life will not be complete when I get to 69. It'll just be something I can cross off my list.

I went for a 3 km walk today outside. Usually I dont do outside walks without Dad. Kinda a self conscious thing I used to have. Used to. I loved the walk. It was a beautiful day and there was nothing stopping me from doing it. And its something I will continue to do!

I'm slowly closing in on my clarity...