Waiting on my World to Change

(huge john mayer fan hence blog title)

Right now I'm sitting here waiting to go see some of the bandsters. I think I'll start to get nervous then. I haven't yet which is surprising. Although I have done an awful lot during the past few weeks so maybe I've reached my quota??!!
Got a call at 3.30 pm informing me I need to be admitted at 10.15. I was a little shocked as I thought I was being operated on at 9.40. I guess its changed. Bonus sleep in is nice but I doubt I will. I actually got the call early which was nice. I had thoughts running through my head that I wouldn't be called until 8. My dietician also called me. Wished me good luck, told me to "enjoy my day today". I found that a very interesting thing to say. Then had something to eat. Haha.
I weighed myself last night to find I had lost a staggering 10.1 kilos in the 13 days of Opti-fast. Now me being me is in total denial about it and will refuse to accept this weight. I will wait until I get weighed at the hospital. And if it is 10.1 kilos I will be in total shock. Most of it is fluids for me as I have PCOS and suffer from fluid retention. One of my old doctors didn't believe me when I told her that some mornings I would wake up 5 kilos heavier. She just thought "silly little fat girl". I could see it in her eyes. I ended up leaving her when I went to her one day and she said "well I see you've put back on all the weight you lost" after my stint on Duromine. I suffered from suicidal thoughts, blackouts, dehydration and a bulging disk (thought i was a god but apparently i wasnt). But as long as I was losing the weight she wanted me on it.
Its a somewhat reflective day I guess. Looking back at all my failed diet attempts. It's weird to know that this one is for real.
I'm ready to do the hard work. I'm ready to look inside myself and address whatever emotional issues come out of me during this time.

Will post later tonight when I'm not so well put together....
-bridget :0)