Happy Holidays!!

I hope everyone is enjoying the festive season...I've been flat out for the past two weeks! Today is my first day alone, without anything to do (mind you I'm going out tonight), so I'm going to try to relax. I have five weeks off work (still getting up at 7.30- stupid body clock! Lemme sleep! Knowing me I'll have perfected a good sleep in the last week of the holidays! Haha!!)
Christmas for me was lovely. I did pb in the morning however. I had a big drive to Sydney to do and wasnt going to be eating until 3 pm so I thought I'd attempt breakfast. No luck. My first Xmas pb. How special. Haha. But apart from that, my Xmas was perfect. I got a very special "daughter" bracelet off my mum and dad, and a heart necklace off the boy im seeing (no commenting on personal life after last time, sorry guys) and I also got an "I love you"..... best Christmas I've had!!
NYE I plan, for the first time ever, to go out.... I am VERY excited about this.... we are going to the city to watch the fireworks along the harbour. It'll be really special. I never used to go out on NYE.... hated crowds, felt self concious etc.... not anymore!!! As for NY resolutions...I'm not making any... the theme for 2010 for me is "possibilities"...... I plan to make dreams become possibilites.... there will be no "in 2010 I want to lose 15 kilos" garbage...Im a size 14-16, ideally I want to lose more weight, however I'll take it at my own pace. I'm happy and content... no more self loathing.... that weight has been lifted....
As you can tell I am feeling very positive, and very loved up. And if I'm not posting, its not because I'm sad or low, its simply because real life gets you and you get swept away in it and forget to touch base!
I had a fill last Monday.... yes, a few days before xmas. My Dr was concerned my band had slipped seeing I was still hungry etc. He wanted me to give him a call if the new fill caused me any reflux. Hasnt done so and I'm glad.
Thats all for now...hope all is well in band land...

The Week That Was

I've had an excellent week in my banding life. To my surprise I cannot remember the last time I've eaten chocolate. Which is a big thing for me. Yay for Biddy! I'm craving fruits and salads and have gone to the shops several times this week to pick up fruit salads. I'm really thinking about my choices. And I'm really proud of myself.
Emotionally this week has been a little rough. Found myself teary a few nights this week. It seems everyone is getting married, having babies, moving from where I live, and following their dreams. And I feel incredibly trapped. I'm saving to travel. And I'm frustrated. I want to be following my dreams. I want outta the life I have right now. I feel like I'm waiting for my life... it's something that I will have to learn to accept, just for now.
Let's hope this week is a more positive week. That I can move forward, and learn to love being by myself. That new friends will come along soon, and that the life I'm working towards is as blissful as I'm imagining it!

I know, I know..

I've been a major slacker guys, I'm sorry. I needed a band break. Personal things going on (learnt my lesson, will not discuss) and the study and work load is heavy. This time of the year is insane at work. So much to do. Argh!
Banding wise... well..... I got really really dispondent in regards to banding life. I was very close to calling it all quits and not caring anymore. After 20 months I was jaded. I'd worked so hard and couldn't get to my goal. In fact, I put on weight and got back up at 91. I went and saw my Dr on Monday and he gave me a teeeeny fill of 0.1 mls. You know what? That was JUST what I needed. Its actually solved ALL my banding problems. I wasnt getting any restriction, now I have perfect restriction. No more heartburn AT ALL!!!! Portion sizes are perfect too. I am very very happy and back into the "motivated Bridget" who is determined to get under 70!!! I have ways to go yes, but I am really really positive about getting there.
So I'm back. I'm ready to get down to business. I will not quit this half way. I will finish this thing. I will.
Glad to be back....
love,

Recap....

So banding life is kinda non existant. I've had other things going on and my band is so weird right now I havent had much to report. I'm not weighing in on the scales. Clothes are still fitting. My recent fill hasnt done too much to change the fact I'm hungry and my portion sizes are still what I deem as too big. The catch is I'm suffering heartburn. And if I was to get more fill then I know I'll suffer badly from it. I think its time for a barium. Since I was rushed to hospital my band hasnt been the same. The stress I underwent a few months ago seems to have had an impact on my band..... might need to book an appointment to see the Dr to discuss whats happening.
Life is ok.... kinda up and down. I've just started studying my diploma which has been fairly easy and not too stressful so far. Been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching of late. Nothing I wasnt to discuss publicly however...
Hope all is well with everyone.
xoxox

Nope, nothing

Hey guys,
So took a little time away. Trying to decompress from the last few weeks events. Plus banding wise nothing has been going on. The fill I got has done nothing, so next Monday I am getting a teeny little more to see if that helps. So I'm eating fairly normally and not losing weight. It is very frustrating. Looks to me as if this last 10-15 kilos are going to take an awful lot to budge.... so I need you guys, my cyber buddies, to give me any support or information you can think of to help shift this god awful last bit of weight!!!
HELP!!!????!!!

Walking Tall Against the Rain

I got my fill yesterday afternoon. Easy fill- no pain, he remeasured it and point roughly .2-.3 mls additional into my band. Seems this one might take a few days to kick in, as I don't feel too much restriction yet, and woke up wanting to eat my bed. (Not literally friends, just using that to show you how hungry I was... don't panic, I havent lost too much of my mind as of yet).
Still keeping up with my 30 min walks everyday. Enjoying that greatly. I need to take it up a step, so will do that in the next few days.
Today is the day I've been dreading all week. My uncle Nickys funeral. They are having a viewing beforehand, something I am not comfortable with, and will not attend. I will have put my tough hat on today and not get upset. Yes, its a funeral, we have to feel our emotions... however I simply cannot whilst my dad is around. He hasnt cried yet. He started to when he told me Nick had passed, but I lost myself and bawled like a baby and he stopped to protect and look after me. He has been asking me all week if I am ok. ME! What about him! Poor thing. So today I have to let it be his day to deal, and feel, and say goodbye. I can do that privately when I get home.
Please remember to let the people in your lives know how important they are. Please do something special for yourself once and awhile. And please dont put off things you want to do in your life. You never know when this amazing gift called life will end, and the last thing you want is to regret it.....

Goal Scoring

I've smashed it with my food the past few days. Ive had yummy garden salads with avocado, egg and salmon included. I've watched my carbs (they are my vice) and no chocolate has passed these beautiful lips (losing weight has made me vain) since I vowed I would go a week without it. OF COURSE.... a fundraiser box of chocolates has landed at work..... I havent touched a single one. And I won't. I love the satisfaction of me following through on a goal far too much to ruin it.
I am taking tomorrow off work. The funeral is Thursday, but I need a day to recover. I'm close to burn out. I have relatives staying with me (a house full of snorers) and I'm running on no sleep, work is being a bitch and I'm trying to deal with my grief and maintain my exercise and healthy eating. So tomorrow I am getting a nice sleep in then I'll see where the day takes me. Most likely seeing relatives... but the day off from work is welcomed anyway.
Tomorrow afternoon I am going back to get the fill I was meant to have yesterday afternoon. I am planning on speaking up and telling my fill dr I am completely dissatisfied with the reception staff not contacting me about the cancellation.
Thats all for now. Im wiped and in need of a nana nap before the house load of people arrive back wanting dinner!