Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I Love My Band, I Love My Band!!

Had a fill yesterday.... had .2 mls put in and now have 6.4 mls in my band... Dr very pleased with my results and we were even talking about the end goal....
Went to the gym this afternoon for my weigh in the for challenge and to do a little workout... in the last 8 weeks I've lost 23 cms..... wowsa!!! Pretty happy about that!
A lot of internal self reflection for me the last few days. I've realised I still like to negative talk, my body image is disorted and I need to work on my self worth. Its a hard thing. Its not something that will be fixed over night. But I know that these are the issues and I know I have the tools to deal with them.
Um the guy situation..... well there was a guy.... but that bombed.... and Im fine. Because I learnt from him. I learnt that I am a pretty amazing young woman that deserves a great guy in my life. That I am in fact ready for a relationship. I learnt that I WILL NOT COMPROMISE for any man. In fact I wrote a list of what I want. I also wrote a life list. I am getting back into my positive thinking and I love it!
I am so close to 89.9!! So currently telling myself that by this time next week I WILL BE under 90. I will get there!!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Long time!!

Hey guys,

Been a little while. I'm not coming on the net as much as I used too. I used to be on here quite a bit but I've cut down.
I'm rocking the size 14! I am still amazed. There hasn't been a day this week that hasn't gone by without me being in disbelief. A 14? Really.... wow!!
I am having a teeny fill tomorrow, I'm 91.2 at the moment, so my mantra this week is "by this time next week I will be 89.9!" Huge celebration is in order. Its taken me awhile to crack this 90s. After this fill I will definately need liquids and mushies for a few days so I am getting all the soups etc ready. I am planning to use them to my advantage this winter. I've never been a big soup fan but hoping to change that. The nutrional benefits of increased vegetables will definately help me.
As for the exercise.... I am no longer 5 hours a week girl. Couldnt keep it up. I exhausted myself too much and with Uni coming up I can't do it. 3 hours a week for the time being. I am lucky enough to be someone who can keep fit and toned with 3-4 hrs exercise a week.
All for now.... I am exhausted!

Monday, April 20, 2009

What The?

What happened when I wasn't paying attention?
I'm 91.5 and I'm a size 14.................. Whoa.............
No other words......

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Off the rails...

I've lost it... really..... its like a crashed....eoralin you are right.
Made worse by the fact there is a guy. And he is amazing. But its a very messy situation and I dont know if I will end up being with him. First time I've been involved with a guy like this in a long long long time...and I feel like I've set myself up for heartbreak. I want to be with him so much. We click. But I have to wait to see what he is doing. I need to give him time to think. I'm going to give him time to sort himself out then its yes or no. No stringing me along.
So I managed a 30 min workout today. Food is not great. Today I didn't eat until dinner. Funny how I've gone from being someone who would make excuses to eat "Im sad, im bored, im celebrating" to someone who repluses food when upset, stressed etc.
This week's plan/goal is to get back into it. Get my head back into the game as much as I mentally can. Get back to the gym, back on track with food. And most importantly look after the most important person- me.
I will change my blog layout soon. It takes a little bit of time to re add widgets etc so please bare with me.... promise to find something a little more eye friendly lovelys!

Send me positive vibes for the guy issue....

Thursday, April 16, 2009


I'm still sick. Been over 10 days now. Yeah- I know- why haven't I done to the doctors? Because I thought it was just me being lazy and tired. Turns out I'm constantly tired. My day off today I cancelled PT and stayed in bed. All day. That's not me. No proper gym workouts in over a week.
Promise to organise Drs tomorrow.
I'm off to bed. I feel so low. I hate being sick and not knowing whats wrong.... makes me want to cry...

Sunday, April 12, 2009


I've come so far. But its just hit me harder than a semi-truck.... I have so much further to go. Forget weight. Forget scales. I'm talking about my life path, my heart, my brain, myself.....
This year I decided- hey, time to get out there and date.... and its been nothing but hurt....
Makes me think.... these 5 guys.... 5 ARSEHOLES....why did I chose them? I know exactly why... I have NEVER had a relationship that was loving. I've only ever been hurt. I am following that pattern. I have turned down dates with great guys for dates with losers. I've had broken hearts over smiling joy....
This stops now. Right now.
Now that I've recognised this there is no way I can turn back.... no more guys who treat me like garbage.

As for working out and food....havent really had a hold of that.... but will be back into routine Tuesday....

Saturday, April 11, 2009


I've been really sick this week. I've come home from work everyday exhausted and have gone to bed. No energy whatsoever. On Thursday I was gettting really dizzy/light headed and couldnt catch my breath. I came home from the easter show that night and threw up. Friday morning I felt the same. Tried to eat something and threw up then fainted. Layed in bed all day. Thats something I never do these days. So Good Friday was Shit Friday to me...
So I havent really worked out this week and my food is all over the place.... jumped on the scales (was that stupid or was that stupid!!) and I'm 92.9..... I don't understand! I have been on the 93.1-92.9 mind fuck for the last few months...and after a week of no working out and shithouse food I'm below 93? Hey- I'm not complaining at all! Just a little baffled!!
Given me a lot of motivation to try crack that 90! So after my little mini vay-cay (all 5 days of it at home hehe) I shall get back into it!
Off to the shops to buy a pirate costume for next Fridays Pirate Day at preschool!
Have a great Easter and long weekend. Take time out to spend some time with your loved ones. And try not to go over board with the chocolate. Remember how much you respect yourself and your new bodies (or soon to be new body!) and just say no! You'll love yourself so much more for it!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Cleansing Post...

I had three days off exercise. Work was kicking my butt (making 90 easter baskets and bunny masks for the kiddies at preschool) and I was simply exhausted.
Got back into it BIG TIME this morning with my personal trainer. I have a new one and she works me 4 times harder than my last. For this reason I shall call her "Mega Bitch" ..... (in the nicest possible way of course!).... I was at the point where I wanted to either faint or throw up. Luckily enough neither happened and I am here to tell the tale of my survival.
I've been a slack blogger my friends. But I've been in an odd headspace. I was in complete combat mode for awhile there. Lost it I think when I saw after all my hardwork I had only lost 3.1 kilos in a month. I think my old thought process of " I want it all off right now" crept in. Took some time out to re-evaluate this. Back on track... back to 4-5 hours a week at the gym. Why do I do it? Not only for weight loss but headspace. Those three days off were interesting. I started to get into old Bridget mode and looked in the mirror and all I saw was fat. One hour at the gym a day and I feel like I look like hot stuff! The confidence it gives me I feed off. Its my "new food"... my new love... No one is more surprised than I am!!
Eating hasn't been 100%.... but I eat pretty well on a daily basis, few little things creep in on occasion... hey... I'm not on a diet. I got the band not to be on one!
No new from Uni as of yet... probably late next week. Can't wait to tell my boss! Hate secrets but I wanted to make sure I had gotten in before I told her...
Men.... so since Decemeber I've been doing the online dating thing. Its one tough motherfucker. Do you know how many requests I have had to watch guys jerk off on their cams?? Ah yeah.... eye opening. I tried to wade through the bullshit to find a few decent ones. There was the guy who I needed a friend to come bail me outta a date with ( eeeeek), the one who spent the time with me on his laptop then expected sex, the "guy"....the one who I really thought it was going to happen with but had the niggling feeling something was up and he got his sister to post shit all over my facebook wall, the one who used my change to go to timezone......and a few others in between.... After all this, not having one successful date- I decided last night to take myself out of the game. I respect my time enough to know that I would rather being doing more productive stuff than being messed about my immature fellas. They say you find someone when you don't look. Well I'm not looking.... another issue with the net thing is the pressue of the first meet. "Wha if he thinks I'm ugly and fat?"..... all that jazz....
Anyway.... 5 days off. Bliss! I need it to be honest with you. Planning to gym, Easter show tonight (yay!), Circus (hey, dont knock it!), spend time with friends, spend some time with the mum and dad, sleep and smile. Oh and NOT eat chocolate (oh who am I kidding..... who are we all kidding.... tis the season!).....
All for now... I still want to change the layout if anyone can help me....please email me :0)
I'm thinking.... I'd love to hear your stories....I think I'm due for some inspiration... I want to hear how you are all going. I do read everyones blogs even if I don't comment. But for the people who don't have blogs, please comment your story or even email me... I feel awesome after the gym... why did I leave it for 3 whole days!!!

Monday, April 6, 2009


Hey Guys,

Found a new template I adore for my blog...however I tried to edit the HTML but don't know how to do that without deleting my widgets.... anyone able to help me?

No gym today...massive headache from my massage. I'm also up to my eyeballs in bunny masks and easter baskets for preschool. Overall I've spent about 7 hours on it. My own time of course.... thinking if I get into my uni course I may look for another job as a barista or something. Less pressure....

Calling for a fill tomorrow. Only need a smidge to curb my portions....

Friday, April 3, 2009

I've Got My Mind Set On You!

Soooooo...... tonight I applied for Fee-Help for my Uni course and wrote my Entrance Essay to get into the course. So by this time next week I should know if I got in or not! I had to write why I wanted to do the course and what career aspirations I have for the future. I mentioned my blog, my support group and how I had gotten a lot of feedback from people saying how much I have helped them (I squirm writing that because it sounds like I am big noting myself). I said I wanted to be able to give others the tools to change their lives. That I was interested in specialising in assisting in helping others with their weight loss. Also that I want to specialise in working with children with behaviour issues. I do have a lot of experience with that not only with preschool but having a sister who has "issues". So overall I think its ok. As long as I wrote over 150 words the women said I should get in. I wrote about 400.
Gym this morning with my new personal trainer. She was great. I called her a bitch on my facebook status because shes gorgeous, nice, fit and works me HARD. But I know I will love her. Push me and I'll do it. I'm not "Biggest Loser" - "I can't do it" and crumble in a heap. I know I will have super sore arms tomorrow though.... lol.....
Food is ok. I do suffer from heartburn a lot and it PISSES ME OFF. Thats the downfall of the band for me. I will survive. I am thinking that in a month or two I might get a smidge more into my band. I am going to keep track of things and see how I am going. I want to keep on this steady track of losing weight. I refuse to be one of those people that passes the first or second year and then gets into the funk. The funk where they have lost a huge chunk of weight, eating patterns change and the crap creeps in and they settle. I will not settle. I want goal weight. I want it. Bad. I will be a success. I will be the type of bandster that is focused and gets what I want.
Answering your questions.... LBG- Tegan said "omg you're tiny" - that comment will never leave my head...I am kicking myself that I am still a squirmer when I get compliments. I love them but still need to learn how to accept them.
Mel- I am doing the course via correspondence- otherwise I'd have to move to Sydney and I cant afford to do that... oh and my gym is a womens gym..... HAHAHA.....IM SCREWED!
Heres to the new me.... I am so very proud of myself.... I am constantly in awe of this new found power!!