Friday, February 29, 2008

3 days in......

I had another late one, got to bed at 6.30 a.m. I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. All I could think about is food. My stomach was rumbling so loud i'm sure that the side of the world could hear it. I'm surprised I didn't wake up the family!
I know I shouldn't be weighing myself every morning but I can't help it. It's such a help to see the scales shifting. If I was doing this and not seeing results I wouldn't be a happy chappy. So today I checked again and I've lost 6.6 kilos!!! wow!!! I've had a few people tell me that they've seen a difference which is good. I won't be weighing myself so much when I'm banded because I won't get results like that so its just daily whilst on Opti-fast.
12 days to go before surgery. Planning to go shopping next weekend to get a few things. Going to get a nice big pillow, a comfy nightie, all the important liquids i need in the first few weeks and some books/dvds to keep me entertained at home. Hurry up time, move a little quicker!!!
At least Dad's home the next 4 days to cook yumminess for me!!
Does anyone know if you are allowed to have acrylic nails on when you have surgery? I know you can't have painted ones. I've had acrylic since december. I've loved having them. Although when I went back to have the french done she used gel and they chipped really bad. I went to get them done Wednesday and she didn't turn up, shes on holidays. Rebooked for Monday, got a call today, she'll still be away so re booked the re book for Wednesday. I do get a free buff and polish though. You get that when you get your nails done anyway!!!! I think I should get the set done again for free as the gel chipped as soon as I got them!
Wow, a whole paragraph on getting my nails done. I must be bored!!!!!
Have a super weekend!
-bridget :0)

Thursday, February 28, 2008

5.1 is a pretty good payoff

Day Two of Opti-Omg. Feeling better than yesterday. I actually woke u after dreaming all night of food. Very interesting. Strangely I was interested in trying a lemon sorbet opti-slim. So made one up with very cold water and ice cubes and it wasnt bad! I was very pleased.
I did measurements today as well, want to keep record of those. And I also checked my weight. Well I got a huge shock!!! Start of Day Two and I'm 5.1 kilos lighter!!! Wow!! All that worry about not losing weight really seems stupid now!
So last night I did cave in and had two pieces of toast. I didn't regret it at all. I was very hungry and feeling sick. So felt better afterwards.
Today ive noticed im ok until around 4 pm. Then I get hungry and a bit feisty. Mum coped it tonight. She cooked me some veggies in a stock and when she couldnt find stock and wanted help locating it I went balistic! She knew I was going to have moments like that so she knew to back away.
Thanks Jen for the comment. My dietician allows unlimited veggies from the list so thats awesome. But I don't think I've been eating enough. I really did look forward to veggies tonight. Shock horror!
I know I sound like a whiny little brat. Gimme a few more days to calm down. lol.
At least now I'm able to sleep. No more 4 a.mers for me. 11.05 and im ready for bed!!
-bridget :0)

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Opti-Yuk/Opti-Sludge/Opti-I Wanna Die!!

So this isn't fun......
I hate the shakes. hate hate hate them. so thought i could have the bars instead. but i hate hate hate them too. im in a shitty mood and mum seems to be taking the brunt of it. I've only had 4 hundred and something calories today and im hungry. I'm really close to having a piece of toast. But then I will feel guilty. Because if I don't lose at least 4 kilos in the next 2 weeks I might not be able to have the surgery according to my dietician.
Maybe I'll have the toast and do a lot of exercise to compensate.....
TRUE: Opti-fast is no fun
TRUE: Can't wait until March 12th. Then I won't feel so fucking hungry.
-bridget :0)

Big Bridget Be Gone!!!

Another late night. 1.48 a.m. So I'm officially on Opti-fast. I had a little melt down tonight. Everything seemed to hit me. I've been on such a high since the surgeon consultation and have been in a little shock at such a quick surgery date. I don't think I was able to process everything until I woke up today (Tuesday). I also DESPISE the opti-fast. I cannot stand anything that tastes remotely like milk so I was freaking out today about having 42 of those mother fuckers. So I emailed my dietician @ 10 pm and she was so amazing and replied 50 mins later!! She said that I could have the bars instead three times a day. I'm going to have to be super strict and only have one piece of fruit a day as well as no extras. I'm definately going to stick to that. I feel a lot better since that issue was sorted out.
I was very teary tonight also. I think tonight I realised that there are some negatives that come along with this decision. The pb's, eating out issues, relationship issues, blockages etc. I'm also very scared about the new life that's on the other end of the surgery. What will this new Bridget be like? I've never known a skinny version of myself. What will she look like? How will she react when the safety blanket of all the weight is taken away?
So its 2.03 am Wednesday morning. It's day 1 of opti-fast, 14 days before my new life.
bye bye Big Bridget, hello Skinny Biddy
-bridget :0)

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Starting to sink in.....

Its Monday night, well technically Tuesday morning. As usual can't sleep. I think I'll be able to get to bed earlier tonight though. It seems now that I feel like it is actually happening that I'm a little more settled. Plus, there had to be a point when I got physically exhausted from no sleep for past few weeks.
So got up early Monday morning (7 is early for me) feeling really really sick. Went to get blood tests and ecg. The place was packed, people were wainting out the door! So we went somewhere else. She really hurt taking my blood!! I am a wuss though. She tried to do the ecg three times. Granted the first two times I was very nervous (i've never had to have my boobs out in front of someone like that before and im a prude). I think the whole idea that if these tests aren't ok then I can't have my surgery. But by putting all that expectation on myself then im stuffing up the tests. lol. you cant win. So hoping no call from doctor.
Also went to the dietician. Got a great booklet as well as "the pocket gastric band guide" by Trudy Williams. If you are thinking about having this surgery, on the path to or have had it then this book is a must have. A bible. I believe that before deciding if this surgery is something you want to have you need to be armed with the best information out there. The pro's and the cons. I'm going into this knowing that not everyday is going to be a breeze. That some days I will wsnt to rip my band out. Some days I will be frustrated. But all the time I will be greatful for whatever weight I lose.
Tuesday- Last day of food before opti-fast. I am really excited to start it because it means I'm another step closer. But I'm not too sure about the taste. lol. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
Should try and get some sleep. Dad's just gotten home though so might ask him for some advice on how to cook veggies so they actually taste half decent!!!
-bridget :0) link to Trudy Williams books

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Monday Madness

Tomorrow morning off for blood tests and ecg. Had a lot of blood tests before and an ecg so i shouldn't be anxious but I am. As you've probably noticed by now I tend to worry and blow things up. My main concern is something would be wrong and surgery will be postponed. But I'm hoping all will be well. I won't actually know the results unless they are bad, then he will call me. So dr don't call!! haha.
Also got my dietician appointment tomorrow right after tests to organise starting optifast on wednesday. To be honest with you I'm kinda looking forward to not having to think about food so much (like what i'm going to eat) but not saying i won't miss it. i hate the shakes, ive dont them once before and wanted to murder anyone within striking distance of me.
Thanks to everyone who has read my blog so far. I've only just began but already loving it. It has really helped me process thoughts. So feel free to comment me, loved the comments that i've had already. The more the merrier!
-bridget :0)

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Good News

Just wanted to congratulate my little sis on getting her p's today. Please be safe!!!


I haven't been to bed yet... its 7.16 am and i have been awake since Friday morning. You'd think i'd be tired. I'm reading lots of comments on forums about excess skin after weight loss. Anyone thats lost a lot of weight can you comment me or email for some feedback? Obviously that doesn't change the way I feel about getting the surgery done however I want to try as hard as I can to prevent having loose skin!

Friday, February 22, 2008

What Is Happening?

Apathy can be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only be aroused by two things: first, an ideal, with takes the imagination by storm, and second, a definite intelligible plan for carrying that ideal into practice.
-Arnold Toynbee

What a weird day.
I went to gym to defer membership for 8 weeks (2 weeks pre op and then 6 weeks post like doctor instructed). No issues with that. Even though I gave them practically no notice they were awesome!!
Had a call from the wonderful dietican. I have actually seen her before when I was 16. She was always so nice to me and the only reason I stopped seeing her was because of distance. I've booked an appointment for Monday morning at 9.30. So I'll be getting my Opti-yuk and getting my weight and height noted. I'm going to ask about having Opti-Slim instead however. They have more flavours and are sweeter. Hoping this is ok, I know they have more sugar in them. I know though I'll be a head case on Opti-fast and it will be worst two weeks ever!!!!
I've also organised to have my blood tests and ECG done Monday morning before my dietican appointment. So it means an early start for me. (I gotta get up and 7 am. Not super early I know but i've been off work and getting up, lets say later than 11 a.m.) I'm really not a fan of needles so I think i'll lay down for them!
It seems everything is in motion now. Not only the surgery but my life. I was on the phone to mum today and we were talking about what I want to do after surgery work wise. I work casually at a pre school and had started my own babysitting company. It was g0ing quite well until a week before Christmas. All of my clients called to cancel work. My one main source of income was a single mother, she was let go so didnt need me anymore. So since then I haven't done much. I did have one family, I won't go into it a lot as I don't think its right, but I had to leave as the child was being abused. In front of me.
Anway, I called my director at pre school just to tell her I can't work for 6 weeks (i'm 1st on call). She tells me that as one of the girls is pregnant she wants me to work for her. And that she's thinking about giving me a traineeship as the government is offering incentives..... now i've been working their for a few years hoping for this opportunity. Its not certain, she has to look into it further and see whats happening with the other girl. But at least it's being talked about.
Now to find myself a man. lol....
Hope everyone has an awesome weekend. I know mine will be filled with excitement and joy. Joy in realising my life is 19 days away....

Quote of the Day

Our achievements of today are but the sum total of our thoughts of yesterday. You are today where the thoughts of yesterday have brought you and you will be tomorrow where the thoughts of today take you.
- Blaise Pascal

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Surgery Date

Today was the day that I went for my consultation. I was very nervous!!! Especially after listening to mums directions then getting lost 10 mins before the appointment. But we got there in time and even had to wait for 10 mins. That was hard.
So after doctor talked to me for a little while (bascially same stuff as discussed at information session) he asked when I wanted it done. Of course, its a.s.a.p. He came up with 12th March. 20 days time!!!!!! And most of that time will be on Opti-yuk! So I'm just waiting now for the call on when I see dietician. Off Monday to get all the blood tests and an ecg.
It hasn't sunk in..........
my life is about to change............

Twas the night before Consultation



Mood: Excited and Nervous!!!!

So it's technically Thursday which is day of my consultation but I haven't been to bed yet so its one sleep to go. It's 12.19 a.m btw.
I started to get very nervous this afternoon. A little teary. I'm not quite sure why but I think it's just because it seems like everything is real now. I am really am getting up in the morning to see Dr to organise my surgery!!!!
Everyone has been really great so far. Nothing really negative. Lots of people have given me well wishes and thats been awesome.
So I guess there isn't anything else to say, I know I wont be able to sleep tonight. I'll give it a go though.
Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!
-bridget :0)

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

And So the Journey Begins......

It's taken me awhile to get to this point. The point where I feel like I'm not drowing, not sinking, not in a black hole.
But in order to feel the hope, I needed to feel the hopelessness. And boy did I feel it!! I spent 2 months feeling like I'd always be the sociallyy challenged challenged fat girl who couldn't go through a day without having some sort of medical complaint.
But then something amazing happend.
Whilst in the deep dark hole I was searching a PCOS forum (if you don't know what PCOS is then see the link in web pages link). Looking for a solution, looking for the light. I came across a thread for something called "Lap Banding". I had no idea what it was so I read everyone's comments and how life saving/changing it was. I thought the only WLS (Weight Loss Surgery) there was, was gastric bypass which I wouldn't do. But this was a band around the stomach that was adjustable and also reversable. The recovery time isn't that long and health care covers most of the cost. When I read all this information my eyes widened. My mind swelled with futurisic ideas and I smiled. A smile I hadn't done in two months.
After going to the complusory information night I was filled with possiblilties. I booked in my 1st consultation for 21st Feb and here we are. Waiting. And boy it's been a struggle! I've been up many a night til 3 a.m searching all the forums for as much information as I possibly can get. I've already met some amazing people through Central Coast Bandsters!!
I will eventually put photos up when I'm not as embarrased. Gimme a few days!!!!
Not long til my consultation..... not long until my new life......
-bridget :0)