Update

Hey guys,

So I found out a week or so ago that the tumor is benign. They are leaving the little fella in there and will monitor it and see if it grows. They decided to leave it in there because its right in the middle of my liver.

So a big relief! Now I can focus on more important things! Like living!!

Australian Passport is organised, and my British one will be done this week also. I've been offered 11 jobs so far over in the UK. None of them stand out to me though, so I plan to wait and see what else is on offer.

Banding wise- its tiiiiight!!! Proooobably a little too tight. At first I thought it was due to stress, now I'm not sure. I've definately lost a lot of weight recently. I plan to have fill taken out for I leave for the UK so my thinking is I'll put up with the tightness just for now.

I've started using body wraps from a company called "It Works!" I was unsure if theyd actually work however on my first go I lost 7.5 cms around my waist. I figured if it helps out and I can avoid a tummy tuck then thats brilliant!

Man front- no boys allowed. I've read an amazing book which I highly recommend- "Textbook Romance" by Zoe Foster. It really spelt things out for me. It's probably best for me to stay away from men for now anywho seeing as I'm moving!

Work is wrapping up for the year so I'm busy organising the end of year concert etc. I can't wait for my 5 weeks off. Unsure what I'll do with myself though! Lots of me time! Anyone have any suggestions?

I enrolled in French classes, I'm trying to fill the blank spaces in my life and make sure my life is as enriched as possible. I learnt after my little tumor scare how important I AM and that I need to do things for moi! I also started focusing on my spirituality again and its really helping.

Hope all is well. I do apologise. I forget I have a blog most of the time. But whenever I come on I love to see the support :)

Waiting Waiting Waiting

I'm currently waiting to see my specialist on Oct 5th to see whats happening with this tumor thingy.

It hasnt been a hard wait like I thought it would be. I tried to put it at the back of my mind to be honest. Yes- the idea has always been there, but I decided I needed to stop it consuming my entire world.

So I will let you know what happens when I myself know.

I got a fill on Thursday. I don't know what I weigh- I havent known for almost a year. For me, its based now purely on size. I don't think Id ever be what I wanted in kilos and I always got obsessed with the scales. So I'm aiming for a size 12.

I had .2mls put in. Its made a huge difference. I was never able to go over what I previously had in my band because of severe heartburn and reflux. However now being on Pariet I havent had a problem. So having the extra .2mls in has curved my portion sizes and really helped stop the cravings. I'm really happy about that.
Nothing much else to report in that sense....

I've decided to go to England in May next year- will work for a few months of 2011 then go. Helps with savings. Anyone have any good travel tips or airline recommendations I'd love it hear them.

Had a lovely holiday in Melbs a few weeks ago. Hung out with my best friend. Caught some sights. Fun fun fun.

Trying to get things crossed off my life list. Does anyone else have one- whats on it?

Question: Do any of my readers ever feel they outgrow friendships very fast? Is there something wrong with me? I believe that people come into your life for purpose, and I try hard to maintain a good friendship that is two sided. However I've noticed lately that once again I'm about to lose some friends because that connection isn't there anymore. And as much as I'm trying to save it... it feels like a sinking ship that I can't stop? I've always been told throughout my life I was very mature for my age- and I do find that I have a lot of older friends. I know everyone has faults, I do like everyone else. I dunno... I'm just sad because I feel like I'm losing/lost one of my best friends because I was honest with her. Am I'm grasping at straws.

Random blog. Needed a vent. Plus when you're drunk like I am right now the truth tends to pour out. High five for me for typing fairly okish. Grammar sucks. Oops. Hopefully I made a little sense. I bet I look back in a few days and roll my eyes. Lol.

Hope everyone is well. Would love to hear from you guys xoxox

Blaaaah

I really need to post......

So much for it being my gallbladder.....

They found a tumor on my liver.

I am so confused and messed up. But me being me, is pretending to be wonderful and great and supporting everyone else through this.

I am scared.

The CT I had the other day was meant to tell me what sorta tumor I had. But they looked in the wrong area and said my liver was fine. Which is inaccurate.

I don't know what to think. What to feel. What to do.

I feel really vunerable.

I'll let you know what happens....

Health Update

One thing that I forgot to mention yesterday is that I am having what seems to be issues with my gallbladder. Every few weeks I get crippling pain, bloated, nausea, lack of appetite and am a mess. My Doctor thinks its gallstones which ties in with the reflux and heartburn that I oh so often have.

So this morning I went for an ultrasound to see whats happening in that little abdomen of mine.

I am hoping that it is explainable, and gallstones because then I could have the little motherfucker out. I need it sorted before I go overseas! Which reminds me.... have to sort out my passport today!

I am aiming to get back into blogging over the next week so that I can keep up with my food diaries. I would like to start eating more holistically. I have been eating a lot of Asian food which I adore.

If anyone has any tips, recommendations etc- please feel free to comment me.

Hope all is well! I am trying to catch up on everyones blogs!

Slack Me

I'm alive....Actually I'm more alive than I've ever been. And thats why I havent posted. I work hard during the week and live it up on the weekend with my gorgeous friends. I've had millions of laughs, millions of drinks, millions of fun nights out , millions of epicly bad dates... such a hoot!

I am single and love it. I'm very content this way and am focusing on myself!

I'm a size 14/16. I havent weighed myself in almost a year and have no intentions on it.... I much prefer knowing what size I am than being obsessed with the scales.

I have made a huge choice to move to England next year. I plan to tell my boss in Nov and leave in Feb. So I need to keep up the saving! I also need to sort out passports and find myself a job- I plan to work as an au pair.

I'm back in touch with my spirituality.

I'm light and bubbly. I am the old new me. I am changed after the last two years. But I am so brilliantly happy.

Wowsa!

I finished all the work I needed to today for my diploma. 2 year course finished in 5 months. Wowsa. Talk about determination and motivation!
The question I have for myself now is this... If I can work that hard at my career, why can't I work that hard with my weight? I've still got a little weight I'd like to lose, yet I talk about walking and I don't. I kept saying to myself that I'd start exercising once this course was done. Well that time has come. Now I have to see if I can convert that hard work from studying to my self and my body. And more so to my mental state of mind. Because I KNOW, I KNOW, that I feel so much more confident, positive and overall happier.
Now I can honestly tell you I love my anti depressants. There hasn't been an issue with my weight with them which is great. And I feel calmer and back to my old new self.
How was your long weekend? I spent mine in bed with a cold! I planned to get out there and walk but seeing as the next two weeks I am very very busy I figured I should rest instead and get better before I hit the pavement.
This weeks goal is: 2-3 walks of 3 kms each and cutting complex carbs

LETS GO!

2010

Well 2010 has been a right bitch to me.
I've dealt with some pretty shitty boy drama (broken up with on Valentines Day via text), some family drama (sister has returned home to live) and work drama.
Banding wise hasnt been the greatest either, just to put the icing on the bitter cake. I've been suffering from horrid heartburn, no matter what level of restriction I had. My band was too tight so I got some fill out and ended up putting on 5ish kilos. Not too sure of the weight seeing as I havent weighed myself since I think November. I prefer it like this.
Ended up having a barium a few weeks ago, and found out my pouch is slightly larger than it should be. Funnily enough after the barium my band hasnt been acting up as much, my portion sizes are smaller and I've noticed I've lost weight. (Again, I don't know the number cause I'm done with the scales however I feel different and clothes fit me differently). So I'm happy with banding life right now.
As we stand 2010 has been a hellish challenge. I've lost a few good friends for various reasons also.
However I have gained a lot from this time.... I've almost finished my diploma- yeap a 2 year course I've completed in 5 months, I've gone on anti-depressants which have helped me cope (thank god my dr put me on them.... I wouldnt have survived the return of the sister without them), I've made some new friends, I've found my positive Skinny Biddy again, I've learnt hard life lessons about friends and men that will stay with me all my life, I've found that inner strength I thought I had lost.
I can smile again......
So heres to the second half of 2010..... may I reap the rewards of what faced me in the first part.
I promise to write more often..... I hope all is well with everyone. You have been in my thoughts, but I couldn't face writing all of this until now. xoxo