Thursday, June 18, 2009


I had a big chat with my best friend/soul mate Teegs (shout out babes I love you!!). She moved away about two years ago and I miss her terribly. She's decided to get the band in December and I'm so happy for her. Anyway, she has the ability to tell me something everyone else has said, but make me understand it fully and let it sink in. Last night we chatted about my emotional saga over the last few weeks/months and I had a lightbulb moment. I've been suffering anxiety over the incident with my sister. Feelings of worthlessness and just really low and lost. In talking to my bestie I realised- I'll never get what I want from her. I'll never get that apology. And if I was too, it wouldnt really statisfy me. Because it wouldnt feel genuine- its too late after the fact. I can't let it ruin me. If I keep down this road it will. I have too many great things happening in my life. It will not ruin me. So I've decided to forgive her. I wont forget, but I will forgive. And I'll write her a letter to tell her all the things Ive always wanted to say. And I will move on. And I will focus on the great success of my new life. It feels good. I feel light again and me. Its magnificent...
I spoke at my doctors information session last night. It was something I've wanted to do since I went to my own last year. So I've achieved another one of my goals. Just when 15-16 months ago I was planning to settle for a life of no goals/dreams..... now I am fulfilling mine!
Funny thing happen last night afterwards when people were coming up to me asking me questions- I got hit on. Yeah flattering I suppose..... apart from the fact he was an overweight, 50 year old orange haired man who was rather sleezy and decided to tell me rather unfunny dirty jokes!!! He said the only problem with me losing weight was that all the boys would be chasing after me.... (then he moved closer eeek) and that I should ditch the one I'm with and have as much fun as possible.... hmmm..... yeah laugh, you know you want to!
As of this morning I'm down to 87.1. Now honestly people, I am not dieting or any such nonsense. I am eating. I have no emotion towards food and am eating to live. I don't know why I've started to lose so quickly (I've lost 800 grams this week) but the only suggestion I have is that I started the pill about two weeks ago and its one that helps with skin and weight. My skin certainly looks better and I ain't complaining about the weight at all!! Hehe...
Ok enough of a rant for the night.... I am glad I'm feeling more positive....feeling back to Bridget... back to positive self talk and kicking the negative crap out the window!


Diz said...

YEAY for your Bestie...and for you! I am the same way with my sister, and I haven't are better than me, but I don't let her disrupt my life either. Not any more. I can't tell you how happy I am that you've done this at this point in your life...instead of figuring it out at 44, like me. You are going places Girl...and no one is holding you down!

Melanie said...

Forgiveness is a good way to go. I had a bit of that to do a few years back. There is a guy in Sydney, Sandy McGregor, who has meditation tapes and workshops on forgiveness and other stuff - I did the course and bought the CD - it's really good stuff. He lost his daughters in a murder attack and he has forgiven the man who did it - his story can be read here it's amazing. The forgiveness CD is at

Just a thought.