Day 1 of The Great Opti Challenge....

So I'm not climbing the walls just yet....give me until Thursday midday and I just might.
I do however think I am in a really great headframe for this. The pre op Opti was forced upon me- I was much fatter, had a poor diet and not very healthy. Cut to Bridget, 35 kilos later- and I respect my body much more, eat 100 time better and am much healthier.
I sipped on my Honeycomb Opti (I use OptiSlim because the flavours are much more bearable. I don't care if the sugar content is higher, I can actually stomach the things) at morning tea time and I surprisingly didn't want to throw up. Previously the idea of a shake would make me dry reach. However this time around I drank the whole thing!
I definately should have had one at lunch time also. However I am so crazy busy at work at the moment I didnt get a chance to make it up. Yeap, I dont get lunch breaks. And Im working with a casual at the moment that is definately a lovely person, but doesnt do much on the labour side of thing. So I spent what would have been my drinking opti time mopping floors and changing nappies alone....
So todays intake has only been one opti and three slices of an apple. I've drunk about 2 litres of liquids today. Tonights meal is meatloaf and veggies. I wont lie- majorly looking forward to eating. I am hungry. Lol. (PS.....just ate.....yeah.... Bridget will do liquids for a bit.... I'm majorly restricted....usually Im not for a few days but since he took fill out then back in again it must be tighter)
I got a fill this arvo, I got .2mls put in and it takes me to roughly 6.0-6.1 ish.
So here we go.....lets see how this challenge goes!

The Great Optifast Challenge Rules....

Oooooook people!!! Here are the "rules"....Two optifast sachets a day- replacing two meals.
You are allowed one meal a day- inlimited fruit and veg and a protein soruce included in said meal.
Coffee is allowed- people live on this... I'm not an orge...drink!
Water.... become one with the fish....drink as much as possible!
Hungry? Then treat yourself to a piece of fruit....
Whinging is allowed! In small doses...
Length of time we will be doing this? Two weeks to begin with. After a two week review we might extended it out to another two weeks!
WE CAN DO THIS PEOPLE!
Only two meals are being replaced. Use up the day to get those liquids in and have a piece of fruit or two if you need it :0)

The Great Opti-Challenge

I have a fair few friends on my Facebook who are banded. I noticed a few of them saying they were going to get fills this week and next, and that a few of them are close to their goal and just want that last little bit gone. Now, to me, 15 kilos is nothing since I've already lost so much. So I find myself feeling like I'm close to goal. I want this weight off before summer. I will not spend another summer self conscious and away from the beach. We all know we've said that before... but this time I am serious (note: I know that last line has also been muttered once or twice before!!!)
So we've decided to embark on "The Great Opti-Challenge" .... it starts Monday, not sure how long we are doing it for yet.... but its opti for brekkie and lunch, dinner is veg and protein, water during the day (low cal cordial accepted), exercise is strongly recommended, whinging is allowed, posts must be made daily..... so far I've recruited 6 people.... if you want to join in then add me to facebook and join our little group!
I don't expected people to agree with doing Opti since I have the band... but I want this weight off. I've cracked. I want this job done. For the first time in my life im going to start something and finish it. This is my time. My time to shine....

Wednesday Wind Up....

I'm in a foul mood today. Stupid hormones and people giving me the shits.

Today food....

Mid Morning- tried strawberries- no luck. Had a handful of unsalted nuts. Then a piece of mudcake care of one of my kiddies turning 5.
Lunch- 4 cruskits with spaghetti on top
Afternoon- Eeeek....I screwed up and had a maccas cone and a frozen coke.
Dinner- nothing so far. Lamb Korma was made, but the lamb is extremely chewy and I can't do it. So I gotta go to Coles to find something to eat later.

Havent worked out as of yet. Food is shocking today. I'm giving myself this one day allowance because my monthly motherfucker arrived. Tomorrow I'll be back in the game.

I have Thursdays off, so tomorrow I'm planning to get an hour's workout in :0) And trying not to feel guilty about my shocking food choices...

Tuesdays Tidbits

I went to bed early last night. Still woke up feeling like I was dragging myself outta bed. Had a little nana nap after work also. Still feeling blah. Worked out its sinus. With the crazy weather and all this wind its really gotten to me. Least I know what it is.
LBG-I must've read your mind! I added some more fruit and protein to my diet.... here's my food diary

Mid morning: three strawberries and a handful of unsalted nuts
Lunch- BBQ chicken drumstick, salad and creamy pasta
Afternoon- cheese and crackers
Dinner- Lamb shanks and veggies

Think I did pretty swell. I took low cal cordial to work because we only have full sugar and I find I end up having some and wanting more. I did have a fozen coke this afternoon. I had a massive craving and gave in :0P

Exercise- Nil. I planned to do it when I got home. But sinus got the best of me and I had a nap instead. I might try muster up the energy for a walk in the treadmill after dinner. I am back in the mind set of really wanting to do it for my health, and feeling bad if I don't. I love my head when it clicks :0)

Tomorrow's goal: More water, no frozen coke.

Monday Wrap Up

Worked out Saturday, Sunday and tonight. The weekend I did 30 mins on the treadmill. Not a heap but I want to start off slow. I'm in desperate need of a massage and I am extremely tired all the time. I don't want to burn out. Tonight I was rocking out on the treadmill when mum came home early...I hopped off to have a chat to her. So I only did 20 mins. It's ok, I'll make up for it tomorrow :0)

Food for today

Mid Morning: handful of mixed unsalted nuts and half a container of fruit puree
Lunch: rest of fruit puree, 2 sandwich size vita weats with boiled chicken mixed with salsa and melted cheese on top.
Snack: cupcake
Dinner: BBQ chicken, creamy pasta

*TIP* I find if I simmer chicken on the stove for 30-45 mins I can eat chicken very easily.

Ok- so the food isn't crash hot... but this is why I'm posting it. I neeeeed to fine tune it. So any feedback would be greatly appreciated!!

I'm sorting out the water situation...I've drunk about 1.5 litres today.
Tomorrow's goal is increased fruit, 40 mins on treadmill.

Back On The Bandwagon....

What an interesting month or so it's been.... no words to sum it up.
In the last few weeks I've started to go out more than I have my entire life. Out to drinks with the girls, out to clubs to dance. I'm 22. This is what 22 year olds do. What's held me back? Myself... being self conscious. Thinking I was the ugliest, fatest, most digusting thing alive and people would wonder why such a disaster was let out in public.
That was then.... this is now..... I am happy. I am single. I am confident. I am free of those feelings of worthlessness.
My band is a little all over the place. One day it'll be really loose, the next very tight. It's hormone based so I'm just riding with it. I am booked in for a fill August 31st so we'll see how we go.
Something very exciting happened tonight.... I WORKED OUT!! YAY!!! I haven't been working out for awhile. Basically since the ex boy and I started seeing each other. 8 minutes into the workout I said to myself "Why the hell did I stop? This is fucking brilliant!" that feeling that working your body, is like nothing else. It's so so addictive. I'm back!! I'm back into the mindset I need to be in to get to my goal....
My end goal is to be under 70 kilos.
My current goal is to get to 83 kilos. That will be 40 kilos lost. There is no time limit. But I'm hoping that with the exercise, increased water, decreased crapnes of food, and a fill- that I can get the 4ish kilos off within a 4-6 weeks.
I shall start food diaries again also. It's a great way to keep on track and get feedback for my lovely readers....
Let's go!!! Back on the Bandwagon!!!

Just keeps going and going....

Car accident, hospital, uncle dying....big weekend.

Have a cold now....so stress and cold makes a TIGHT BAND!!!!!

Liquids for now I think.... band is still swollen from the drama of Friday night...

Just a little scare

I got rushed to hospital at 11 pm last night with SEVERE stomach and intestine cramps. They radiated into my back also. You know the type where you cant even talk- I was moaning in agony....
The pain went away after some lovely pain meds from the paramedics. I had some blood work done and xrays. There wasn't anything wrong- band is fine. White blood cell count was a little high suggesting inflammation. I have to go get more blood work done Monday morning and see my specialist that afternoon. I WAS planning on having a fill.....yeah maybe not now!!
They honestly dont know what it was. Nothing felt stuck at all. After this long banded I know what thats like. Its not gallbladder- I hadnt had anything majorly fatty that day to eat.
It could quite possibly be stress. It has been a horrid month for me as regular readers would have noticed. I also had a minor car accident Thursday. My luck.... my luck....
I just have to keep telling myself that the universe wouldnt deal me this hand if I couldnt cope. I am a strong person and I just have to keep fighting on through.
I msged the boy last night whilst I was in hospital telling him where I was. I got nothing back. HE IS AN ARSEHOLE. Looking at his history, looking at our history, putting everything together Ive realised he is a bad person. And my intuition usually doesnt sdo me wrong. I am a smart woman. Obviously I needed to go through this in my life path.....
I'm tired....I'm going to go rest...

It feels a little lighter on my heart...

Today was a good day. No, today was a great day. Today was the first day since this mess that I've felt the light. Not felt anxious, smiled from the inside out and really really been myself. The new old me.
Last night I realised a few things. I had a huge lightbulb moment when it came to the boy and the "relationship" and how I was treated. It wasnt good. It wasnt good at all. And when I realised none of this was my fault- that I just happened to be with someone who is toxic and self destructive- I felt much better. I don't need him. I don't need him as anything- not a friend, not a boyfriend. He is just a memory to me now.
I went back to work on Monday. It was surprisingly amazing. I was supported and welcommed back warmly. To a point where I withdrew my resignation. I realised that a massive reason I was stressed at work was because the boy would text me or call me in the mornings with all his drama and shit and I'd be anxious and stressed before the day started. This week- without his shit I've felt amazing.
Banding wise....I went from not eating at all to now eating everything in sight! Fill on Monday. Getting .2mls. I love getting fills. Is that weird? Its control for me. And I'm all about control....

Freedom is MINE!

I quit my job today. I gave one months notice. I have no job to go to. I just needed out. I feel so so so amazing right now!
Tomorrow I am going to drop the stuff off to the boy. Its my goodbye. I am in control.
This week is my week. I am taking back the reins. And it feels so very liberating!
Watch this space.... cause I am about to reinvent myself!

Meltdown...

I was doing so well.....
I felt stronger than I have in two weeks. I felt more in control of my life and my emotions.
Then I had to call my boss..... she was horrible. I cried afterwards. She bullied me and belittled me. I havent been happy there all year. But this was the cherry on top of the cake. I took the last two weeks off after the boy thing with a medical certificate. The doctor feels I am suffering from anxiety and depression. That was stated on the med cert. This meant my boss felt she had/has free range to ask me any personal question under the sun- including if I was seeing a counsellor and what we discussed. I'm done. I'm out.
Crying all day- feeling low. I was just getting a handle on things.... the boy called for my bday too. That didnt help. I'm not contacting him- im waiting for him to contact me. I want to talk to him so badly but it hurts me more....
Tomorrow I'm heading out- handing out resumes.... I dont really mind where I work right now... I just want something low pressure. There is a job at the local pet store.... that wouldnt be too bad at all!
Food wise.... Im getting there.... I screwed myself over the last two weeks... only eating one small meal a day... so now I'm trying to build myself back up to proper meals...finding it hard... forcing myself to eat. But I'll get there. I've apparently lost stacks these last few weeks. I can tell too... look for the positives? Mmm.... not even funny....
I'll push through.... just finding it so hard. I feel strong then get knocked down again.... I know thats life... but I expected things to be different.... I thought my life was finally on the up....

Birthday....

22 today.....starting to feel old....haha- I know, I know....
The boy has been texting and calling a lot today- after a few days of distance. I don't know if I want him to be or not.... we'll see how I continue to feel. Those feelings sure wont be going away anytime soon...
Car broke down.... cost me $255- Happy Birthday!
Boss wants to talk.... eeek.... kinda wish she'd fire me....make it easier...haha....
Feeling better.....getting there.....no longer feeling hopeless...feeling hopeful....

P.s..... Thinking of you Nikki, for your big banding day tomorrow. Love you lots and sending lots of good vibes!

The Reading

So I went for a reading yesterday with a psychic. Its my thing, don't knock it. She was very spot on with a few things....
She said since December last year I've felt like I'd lost myself. That I was in a maze and kept hitting dead ends. She said not to worry- soon enough I'd come out of it. That I needed to deal with my relationship situation and work. I didnt say anything to the woman....I just sat there.
She described the boy as a "rubber band person" ....someone who comes and gos. Said that his own personal issues wont be going away anytime soon so I needed to move on. She described him too a tee.....
Work she was spot on with too.....
Anyway.... I feel better. I feel stronger. I know exactly why this hit me so hard. I am a control freak. And I gave my control away to the boy....so I lost myself. Time to find myself again.
Its Bridget time...
Almost 40 kilos lost....gotta think of something to reward myself with...