Wednesday, August 12, 2009

It feels a little lighter on my heart...

Today was a good day. No, today was a great day. Today was the first day since this mess that I've felt the light. Not felt anxious, smiled from the inside out and really really been myself. The new old me.
Last night I realised a few things. I had a huge lightbulb moment when it came to the boy and the "relationship" and how I was treated. It wasnt good. It wasnt good at all. And when I realised none of this was my fault- that I just happened to be with someone who is toxic and self destructive- I felt much better. I don't need him. I don't need him as anything- not a friend, not a boyfriend. He is just a memory to me now.
I went back to work on Monday. It was surprisingly amazing. I was supported and welcommed back warmly. To a point where I withdrew my resignation. I realised that a massive reason I was stressed at work was because the boy would text me or call me in the mornings with all his drama and shit and I'd be anxious and stressed before the day started. This week- without his shit I've felt amazing.
Banding wise....I went from not eating at all to now eating everything in sight! Fill on Monday. Getting .2mls. I love getting fills. Is that weird? Its control for me. And I'm all about control....


Jane said...

You go you good thing!

You don't give yourself nearly enough credit sometimes. You are far stronger and more capable than you think.

Well done, it seems like you've turned a corner. Full steam ahead now!