Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I've had a few people email me and tell me that reading my blog has motivated them to take the next step and get the lap band. That really blows my mind. To know that me, sitting on my bed, putting a little bit of my heart and mind out there in cyber space, has helped in some small way to change someone's no words.... all I can say is thankyou. Thankyou for being a part of my journey. As rocky as it has been. I've gotten a lot of people msg me and tell me that they are reading- so Im learning that just because there aren't that many comments, my world is still a part of yours.

I'm struggling at the moment to be honest with you. Such a wave of highs and lows. I am hoping that when I return to work in two weeks my daily routine will kick me into gear. That I will be so busy that I have less time to think about stupid things that are playing on my mind and getting me down. I will definately be eating better as I am little miss organised and will have a food plan set out for everyday. And I can work out an exercise routine that will allow me to get to the gym a possible 4 days a week.
Next Monday I am going for another fill. That hungry bug still gets me. And portion sizes are much larger than I would like. I only want another .2mLs chucked in Barbie. I don't want to be tight to a point where I am eating a few mouthfuls and I'm done. However I don't want to be loose and eating then being hungry 2 hours later. Just like any other bandster of course. Trying to get to that sweet spot!
I am going away this weekend with a friend. We are hittinf Sydney for gold class cinemas, casino, high tea and shopping. Looking forward to it. Nice and relaxing I am hoping. I'll make sure to take several hundred photos and then chose the best ones of me and put them up. Hehe.
Ok, so I have put my little toe into the world of dating. Two dates so far. Both flops. But still, I am proud that I did it. This though, is a big issue for me. Body confidence. I still feel like that fat Bridget. I am certain that no guy out there would ever and will ever find my body somewhat attractive. Hence why I tried internet dating. I figured- they gotta get to know my personality and coolness before they meet me, instead of judging me by my apperance. Am I totally warped? I also have no idea how to act around guys. I've avoided them at all costs for the last few years. Even eye contact is hard for me at times. Something I gotta work on. I am SO over being single. I am SO over saying that I am over being single and not really doing anything about it. I am SO over people saying to me "Bridget, you are better off without them, seriously, they do more harm than good". Sorry- but sleeping alone is killing me. All I really want is someone to lay with and keep me company. So don't use that line on me. So I think that now I have my job situation all wrapped up in a nice little bow, I am working on my weight loss, my sister is outta the picture (trying to ignore all information about her as I need a break from that)- I can concentrate on being more confident and attracting super cool people.
Ok.... enough with the "emo" (trying to keep young and hip- I heard that the kids are using that word these days) mood.
Food today
B- toast with vegemite and cheese
L- chicken caesar wrap
S- cashews
D- Nil so far... not feeling hungry. Prob will eat later


SkinnieMinnie said...

Ohh dating is hard especially when you are the fat girl and being young is so hard as well but just like everyone else says "it will come when you least expect it" and all that crap, I use to have issues with guys and how they treated me but I am with a great guy now and I know that someone as gorgeous, funny & smart as you will find someone soon :-) and p.s - we actually met on the net 5 yrs ago and have always been friends then it just happened when I was finally loving myself blah blah blah I sound like Dr Phil oh and another P.S - I have only just read your WHOLE blog lol and truly inspirational!!

Libra Diva said...

it is easy sometimes for someone who has someone to say you're better off without them, but i'm like you sleeping alone is getting way to old. well at least you've been out on dates, that's a sep in the right direction.

Anonymous said...

Hi bridget
I have been enjoying reading your blog - I am booked in to be banded in Feb 09 - I cannot wait. Just reading yours and others blogs has cemented in my mind how right for me this surgery is!!! I hear you when it comes to dating - been single for 5 years since being in a terrible relationship with my sons (now 11)father. Tried dating a bit at the beginning of last year - but my self confidence is at an all time low and I just never really believed that someone could like me looking how I look (feel like an amazon woman @ 6ft tall and 115kg)... even if I am standing in a check out at the shops or somewhere similar and look up to find a man staring at me - I immediately believe that they are staring thinking 'my god you are fat and disgusting!' because what else could they possibly be thinking right? and I quickly look away (eye contact is impossible for me) Hopefully all that will change with this journey!!! So keep blogging away - I am enjoying following your journey - so much of it seems familiar...

Renlim73 said...

Hi Bridget- I have been reading for ages, and love it. Thanks for sharing.
I met my husband online 8 years ago, when it wasn't cool to date online. . . lol. We are still in love.
Got my band in June 2008. Still love that too!
Take care, it is all good, and you are doing a splendid job on you!

Diz said...

You are too funny Girl. It's fun to read your blogs and hear the amazement in your voice that you could be an impact to others. That's what I like about you. You have no idea the power that you have and it's refreshing. Good luck on the dating front. I have a feeling love is coming your way.