Touched....

I've had a few people email me and tell me that reading my blog has motivated them to take the next step and get the lap band. That really blows my mind. To know that me, sitting on my bed, putting a little bit of my heart and mind out there in cyber space, has helped in some small way to change someone's life.....wow..... no words.... all I can say is thankyou. Thankyou for being a part of my journey. As rocky as it has been. I've gotten a lot of people msg me and tell me that they are reading- so Im learning that just because there aren't that many comments, my world is still a part of yours.

I'm struggling at the moment to be honest with you. Such a wave of highs and lows. I am hoping that when I return to work in two weeks my daily routine will kick me into gear. That I will be so busy that I have less time to think about stupid things that are playing on my mind and getting me down. I will definately be eating better as I am little miss organised and will have a food plan set out for everyday. And I can work out an exercise routine that will allow me to get to the gym a possible 4 days a week.
Next Monday I am going for another fill. That hungry bug still gets me. And portion sizes are much larger than I would like. I only want another .2mLs chucked in Barbie. I don't want to be tight to a point where I am eating a few mouthfuls and I'm done. However I don't want to be loose and eating then being hungry 2 hours later. Just like any other bandster of course. Trying to get to that sweet spot!
I am going away this weekend with a friend. We are hittinf Sydney for gold class cinemas, casino, high tea and shopping. Looking forward to it. Nice and relaxing I am hoping. I'll make sure to take several hundred photos and then chose the best ones of me and put them up. Hehe.
Ok, so I have put my little toe into the world of dating. Two dates so far. Both flops. But still, I am proud that I did it. This though, is a big issue for me. Body confidence. I still feel like that fat Bridget. I am certain that no guy out there would ever and will ever find my body somewhat attractive. Hence why I tried internet dating. I figured- they gotta get to know my personality and coolness before they meet me, instead of judging me by my apperance. Am I totally warped? I also have no idea how to act around guys. I've avoided them at all costs for the last few years. Even eye contact is hard for me at times. Something I gotta work on. I am SO over being single. I am SO over saying that I am over being single and not really doing anything about it. I am SO over people saying to me "Bridget, you are better off without them, seriously, they do more harm than good". Sorry- but sleeping alone is killing me. All I really want is someone to lay with and keep me company. So don't use that line on me. So I think that now I have my job situation all wrapped up in a nice little bow, I am working on my weight loss, my sister is outta the picture (trying to ignore all information about her as I need a break from that)- I can concentrate on being more confident and attracting super cool people.
Ok.... enough with the "emo" (trying to keep young and hip- I heard that the kids are using that word these days) mood.
Food today
B- toast with vegemite and cheese
L- chicken caesar wrap
S- cashews
D- Nil so far... not feeling hungry. Prob will eat later